To Have and To Hold
by KrystalRoze
Summary: SLASH. Visions from the Dark Lord are incapacitating Harry. Snape decides to help, regardless of whether Harry wants his help. When a relationship develops, can they hold on to what they have? Features a possessive Snape and a sarcastic cynical Harry.
1. Confessions

Full Summary: Visions from the Dark Lord are incapacitating Harry. Snape decides to help, regardless of whether Harry wants his help. When a relationship develops then becomes more than just lust, can they hold on to what they have? Features a possessive Snape and a sarcastic cynical Harry with the tried and true side plot of 'must kill Voldemort' thrown in.

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter Universe and all it's wonderful characters belong to JK Rowling and odd conglomerate companies. No money is being made.

Author's notes: Snape's inner voice was inspired by Diagonalist's 'Flawed lines' and used with permission. If you haven't read her work, she is the queen of the inner voice and a wonderful author. Her fics are archived on the major sites, including the PSA and Schnoogle (Fiction Alley).

Many thanks and much chocolate to my incomparable betas, Laura and Brenna

Warnings: This is slash. If you do not like it, do not read. Student/teacher relationship (although Harry is 17 and the relationship is consensual – if this bothers you, don't read), light bondage, rape (later on)

I've gotten several emails on To Have and To Hold. Unfortunately, I have suspended posting this story here because of the rating. I wasn't aware the story would surpass the rating scale here at when I started posting. Anyway, the story will be posted when I go back and edit the chapters for content. Anyone who would like to read it in it's current NC-17 state, it is posted on AFF, Skyehawke and on my live journal under my slash pen name, MontanaDan. The links are below.

I hope you continue to read, enjoy and review. I appreciate every comment. If anyone does want a personal reply, I do reply to every email.

Thanks you all again,  
Krys

Links to To Have and To Hold:

http: www (dot) livejournal (dot) com / users/ montanadan/

http:adultfan (dot) nexcess (dot) net/aff/story.php?no34560

http:archive (dot) skyehawke (dot) com/authors.php?no769

Email to either or Have and To Hold

Chapter 1

Confessions

"Ever kiss a bloke, Harry?"

Butterbeer almost spewed from Harry Potter's lips as he choked on surprise. Still coughing, he lifted his astonished gaze to his best friend who sat across the table from him in a corner booth of the Three Broomsticks.

Ron Weasley stared at his hands, his ears red, until he finally raised his blue gaze to meet Harry's. Ron's face flushed and his ears turned impossibly redder.

"Er, Ron," said Harry carefully, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "We aren't about to have an awkward, embarrassing conversation, are we?"

Ron recovered enough to realize his own implications. "Merlin, Harry, not you," he said quickly.

They had already had the somewhat surprising conversation, or rather, Harry had had the lecture, wherein Ron explained to Harry that in the wizarding world, sexual orientation/preference was something of a moot issue. Older pureblood families cared about bloodlines, while individuals cared about finding the right lifemate. The magical, emotional, intellectual and physical counterpart which would complete your soul could be either gender but the bond, once created, would be just as legal and as binding as any Muggle ceremonial ritual.

While Harry was relieved his best friend's interest wasn't directed at himself, he felt secure enough to tease. He dropped his gaze, feigning hurt.

"Thanks a lot."

Now completely flustered, Ron sputtered, "W-well, not that I wouldn't want – I mean – not that you aren't-"

Harry laughed, putting him out his misery.

Ron glared. "Damn it, Harry, you enjoy doing that. Don't you?"

Harry shrugged, still grinning.

"Besides, you know you're one of the hottest wizards at Hogwarts."

Harry sobered and clucked his tongue. "That's garbage and you know it," Harry said. "It's just the Boy-Who-Lived Syndrome."

Ron shook his head with a knowing grin.

Harry did _not_ want to pursue that particular debate, so he redirected the conversation back to Ron's question. "So who did you kiss?"

Ron's Butterbeer suddenly became fascinating again and his ears resumed their scarlet hue. "Actually, he kissed me."

"Who did?" said Harry, lifting his brows.

"Promise you won't laugh."

"Not unless it's Crabbe or Goyle," was all Harry would promise, but Ron choked. "Please tell me it isn't," Harry begged.

"NO!" Ron quickly assured.

Harry put a hand to his heart. "Thank God," he muttered. "Don't scare me like that."

Ron chuckled.

Harry looked up sharply. "It wasn't Malfoy, was it?"

That got a snort. "Please, Harry. Give me more credit than that. Everyone knows that Malfoy will _do_ anything with an entrance hole." Harry sighed with relief. "I have some discriminating taste after all."

"Yeah well, Malfoy is a self-proclaimed gift to all wizarding kind," said Harry.

"Yeah self-proclaimed," Ron pointed out. "I don't hear anyone else saying it."

Actually, Harry _had_ heard others talking about Malfoy's prowess, but he didn't see the point of lauding any of Malfoy's talents in or out of bed.

"So you were telling me who kissed you," Harry prompted.

"Oh right." Ron was red again. "Zabini."

Harry's brows shot up. Now _that_ surprised him. "Zabini?" said Harry. "As in Blaise Zabini?" Ron nodded. "I thought Hermione liked him."

Ron found his glass fascinating again. "Well that's why we're not going to tell her, right?"

Harry sighed. "So it was that good, was it?"

Ron shrugged. "It was alright. Nothing to write home about."

"So why bother?"

"It was just different, you know. Kissing a bloke," said Ron.

"I would imagine. But if it's going to screw things up for Hermione-"

"I know. I know," Ron said. "I just wondered what you thought about it." Ron look up again. "So have you?"

"Have I what?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Ever kissed another man?"

"Of course, hundreds of them," Harry said flippantly. "You know I have a new love interest every week. I heard two of my 'Love Children' are due next month."

Ron smirked but his eyes hardened. "I'm not talking about that tripe in the Prophet, Harry. The truth."

Harry gave him a apologetic grin and shook his head. "No," he admitted. "But I've thought about it."

"Really." Ron looked surprised and excited at the same time. "Who?"

Harry stared hard at him for a minute. Ron was waiting breathlessly. The truth, eh? Well why not.

"Snape."

Ron blinked a few times, studying Harry's face. Harry kept it completely bland but his lip twitched. Ron read it exactly the way Harry knew he would.

He burst out laughing. "Snape," Ron sputtered. "That's rich. Good one, Harry."

Harry just smiled, shaking his head. Just like everything else in his life, Harry knew he could throw the world the truth and if they didn't approve, they simply wouldn't believe it. Harry used that form of defense mechanism all the time. Ron knew it. He guessed in this instance, Ron had his own reasons for not believing him.

In truth, Harry wasn't sure he believed it himself. He wasn't sure how it happened either but he was pretty damned sure his 17 year old hormones were involved. Sure Snape had that whole tall, dark, mysterious thing going for him but he was a far cry from handsome. But when Harry started looking closer, everything except the extraordinary started to blur.

There was the time Snape had fixed Harry's eyesight. After a rather brutal training session, when Snape had bested him because Harry's glasses had flown off, he had insisted that Harry allow him to fix his vision.

It was a three day progression of several spells cast directly into his pupils. The first time he had sat down and Snape held his face, staring into his eyes, Harry almost fell off the chair. He had been sucked into Snape's fathomless black gaze and Voldemort himself could've apparated into the room, ritually sacrificing Hufflepuffs and Harry wouldn't have noticed. The firm but gently hold he had on Harry's jaw kept him prisoner, while the electric pull of his stare kept him transfixed. The only thing that dragged his gaze away from that vortex of darkness was his mouth. Snape actually had a sensuous mouth, Harry had noticed to his surprise. When it wasn't pulled into a sneer anyway. But the full bottom lip definitely looked suckable.

After that it was the voice. Harry had always acknowledged Snape had a commanding voice, but since Harry's intense training had increased his sixth year, he was privy to hearing more than snapped instructions and irritated comments come out of Snape's mouth. Hearing normal conversation and, on rare occasion, praise out of Snape was when Harry noticed that the timbre and resonance of Snape's voice could actually make him hard.

When his dueling training had advanced to the point that Snape found Harry 'an adequate sparring partner' rather than an 'inept stick-bearing clod,' Snape started removing his robe for freer movement. That's when Harry noticed the body; broad, lean and hard. All firm angles and planes.

True he was still a bastard – okay – a mean snarky bastard, but Harry noticed something else – it was funny.

He reminded Harry of, well, himself at times. Some of Snape's comments reflected thoughts Harry wished he had the guts to voice out loud. Stuff that coming from Snape was acceptable, normal, Snape-like, but from Harry, well, it would have certainly shocked a lot of people. The shock value itself would have been worth it at times. But no, it wasn't like him. Harry bloody Potter couldn't say such things.

Snape could though. Snape could say anything, do anything he pleased and no one batted an eye. Harry admired, and envied that. Even before the other feelings started to make themselves known, he was acutely aware of the man.

Now, the fact remained that something drew him to Snape. He couldn't explain it and he certainly didn't want to analyze it. Luckily, Ron didn't want to discuss it.

"No, really. Who?" Ron prompted.

Harry racked his brain for a suitable candidate. "Oliver," he said at length. He had to compliment himself. Ron looked fittingly impressed.

"Wood?" said Ron, nodding profusely. "Yeah. He'd be something I bet."

"Yeah." He was also conveniently not around to confront or to test the theory.

Harry rubbed his face.

"Tired?"

Harry looked up. Ron was frowning at him. Combing one hand through his hair, Harry nodded. He could never hide that from Ron. His eating and sleeping habits were regularly monitored by both him and Hermione.

"Should've taken a potion last night," Ron said.

"I'm out," Harry admitted.

"You're _out_?"

"Of the good stuff," Harry explained. Regular dreamless sleep potion didn't work on his visions and Voldemort had been particularly busy, not to mention nasty, that week.

"You're not considering making more, are you?"

Harry grinned unrepentantly. "It's either that or chance falling off my broom during the next Quidditch practice."

"Can't have that," Ron agreed.

"Besides, if McGonagall notices the glamours-"

"You're using glamours again?" Ron interrupted, his gaze hard. "Has it been that bad?"

Harry looked into his empty bottle. "Er, sort of."

"Harry, why didn't you tell us?" Ron said quietly. "We would've gotten you some stuff from Pomfrey."

Harry loved his best-friends dearly, but they both knew if Pomfrey found out, he'd be stuck in the hospital wing for a fortnight if she deemed he needed sleep.

He shrugged. "My stuff works better anyway."

"I'm sure but-"

"Ron, it'll be fine," said Harry. "I'll make some more tonight and I'll catch up on some sleep over the weekend. It will be quiet since it's a Hogsmeade weekend."

"And what if you get caught?"

Harry wasn't about to tell Ron that he was secretly hoping to be caught in Snape's lab. He didn't understand _why_ he wanted Snape to catch him, but it was one confrontation he was dying to have, even if Snape did go ballistic on him.

He'd been hiding some of his magical talents from the teachers for over a year now and his newfound proficiency of potions (mostly due to necessity) was one he wished could be acknowledged.

"If I get caught," said Harry with a shrug. "I'll deal with it."

Ron snorted. "Right. I'll be sure to pick up the pieces."

Harry's grin fought its way back to his face. "Thanks Ron."

"Bloody uncontrollable, impertinent brats!"

Severus Snape threw off his covers and emerged from his warm, cozy haven to be greeted by the damp chill of his dungeon bed chambers.

"Incompetent elves," he muttered, clutching up his wand and sending an 'incendio' to the fireplace. Flames burst to life and the flicker illuminated the room sufficiently for Severus to shove his bare feet into his slippers and find a school robe to don over his night shirt against the midnight chill.

Still the alarms from his wards resounded in his ears. The lab in his classroom was being pilfered by those little thieves and by Merlin he was going to catch the little miscreants this time.

"It's probably Potter," he muttered, casting the spell to silence his internal alarms.

_Oh, you'd love that. Wouldn't you, Severus?_

Severus ignored his inner voice. It was full of inanity recently anyway.

_Potter, this and Potter, that._ Damned annoying. Ever since the brat had smacked him upside the head with the hard reality that he wasn't a child nor was he his father.

"Blast it, _Professor!_" Potter had shouted.

"You've been hurling hexes and curses at me and you've been inside my bloody head for over two years now, you could at least call me by my first name. And it's Harry _not_ James or Sirius."

Of course, coming to terms with the fact that he wasn't spoiled or pampered was something Severus would never admit to anyone, especially the brat. After a rather immature round of 'my childhood was worse than yours,' they had called a silent truce in that particular area and simply dropped it altogether.

He also had to admit that the boy was far more complex than his father ever was. He seemed to live behind a mask most of time. Severus had noticed this, primarily because he lived behind one of his own, and it irritated Severus to no end that the whelp was reminding him more and more of himself the older he became. _That_ he couldn't abide. For the obvious reason that he wasn't all too pleased with how he had turned out himself and even the boy didn't deserve that fate. And for the not-so-obvious reason that Severus just couldn't stand the fact that Potter was capable of hiding anything from him.

It just went against the natural rules of existence, as well as the rules of Gryffindor.

Severus was yet to get a full grasp of the boy's character behind the mask, but he was confident he would. Severus loved a good puzzle and the challenge of unraveling Potter was certainly enticing.

_Oh he's enticing all right._

Yes, well, then there was _that_. Once yanked out of the horrendous care of his Muggle relations and installed as a semi-permanent fixture at Grimmauld Place, the boy had blossomed. While he would probably never aspire to the height or breadth of his father (if Severus couldn't look down his nose at the brat, it, too, would have defied the balance of nature), he had filled out adequately.

_Adequately? Adequately? Severus you _must_ rethink your adverbs._

And thankfully he had grown out of his resemblance to that reprobate procreator of his. True, you could still discern the heritage but the distinct chiseled delicacy of his mother became more apparent in his features of late.

_Exquisitely. Beautifully._

There was grace in the lithe form, which added strength to his bearing. He carried himself with a humbled dignity that few people could pull off. Severus attributed it Quidditch and those misadventures of his. Severus couldn't help the smirk. Potter's favored forms of exercise invariably led to thwarting the Dark Lord, a stay in the hospital wing and ultimately to Gryffindor winning the house cup (and to Minerva gloating).

All that coupled with the boy's untamable mass of dark locks, expressive and sometimes piercing green eyes and quirky smile, which seemed to flash around Severus at the oddest times, Harry Potter had grown…

_Luscious? Delectable? _

"Those are adjectives," he growled, then cursed himself for speaking out loud.

The fact also remained that Potter was still his student and as such Severus had to curtail any and all feelings of-

_Attraction? Lust?_

Severus was not a monster.

_Potter is not a child._

Severus had outgrown the necessity of thinking with that particular muscle.

_The boy is old enough to witness murder._

Because of his _childish_ impulses and naive bravery.

_That _child_ faced the Dark Lord more than everyone else except Albus._

Point and counterpoint aside, it was a moot issue anyway. The boy was the desire of every student in the castle, as well as the wizarding world's darling. He most certainly wouldn't be interested in a greasy old man who had made it his life pursuit to make the boy's life a living hell.

_I believe that's the Dark Lord's occupation._

Fine, then the cynical, sarcastic bastard who's-

_Just trying to make a man out of him? Splendid job of it, too._

Potter was still a student, however. And Severus would _not_ malign that particular trust.

_Even if YOU are the only one he particularly trusts?_

Severus tuned out that argument. He ignored the fact that he was arguing with his inner voice and focused on the task at hand.

He halted his steps at the turn to the hall, which housed his classroom, and peered around the corner. The door to his lab stood slightly ajar, but no one could be seen loitering in the hall. As he was about to step into the corridor, the air in front of the door wrinkled.

Severus frowned, puzzled until the space fluttered and Hermione Granger appeared shrugging off Potter's Invisibility cloak. He couldn't repress his smirk. Where there is one…

Surprisingly, Granger hesitated at the door. She pulled the cloak the rest of the way off and glanced around before folding the cloak and tucking it behind one of the many statues of Salazar Slytherin in the castle, which stood near the door. Then she slowly pushed open the door and looked cautiously inside.

As she stepped in, Snape quickly approached the door, grabbed the cloak, wrapped it around himself and followed her in.

"Harry?" she said softly.

"Damn it," a soft mutter of Potter's voice carried across the room. "What are you doing here?"

"Ron said you needed to make more potion and I came to make sure you're okay."

_More_ potion?

Potter sighed heavily. "Well close the door."

Granger turned and pushed the door shut and Snape carefully sidestepped around the room to get a better view. He could see Potter leaning over a cauldron, with just a few candles on the worktable lighting the space.

"Are you out of your mind," chastised Granger as she neared the table. She stopped short. "God Harry, you look terrible."

Snape had to agree. He'd only seen the boy six hours ago at dinner and he looked fine then. Now however, even in the dim light, dark rings shadowed his eyes.

"You've been using glamours again, haven't you?"

It wasn't really a question, but Potter snorted and answered anyway. "Obviously," he retorted. "Voldemort's been outdoing himself this week."

"What about the Occlumency?"

"That keeps him from making a conscious attack on my mind, Hermione," said Potter. "But it doesn't stop the visions. You know _this _is the only thing I have that helps."

"But the stuff you make is addictive."

Addictive? What the hell was the brat making?

"Why do you think I only take it when it gets bad?" Potter dropped his gaze back to the caldron and stirred twice. "And it's bad."

"You need help?"

"Actually-"

Potter didn't get to finish. He flinched and took a step away from the bench. Then with a gut-wrenching cry of pain, his hand slapped to his forehead and his knees hit the floor.

"Harry!" Granger cried, rushing to his side.

Snape almost threw off the cloak to assist but the boy stopped screaming and was taking deep gulps of breath.

"I'm alright," he said. His hand kept rubbing at his scar. "Get m' bag, please, 'Me'ne."

Granger looked around, spotted a backpack and pulled it over to where Potter remained on the floor. He cried out again and hit the floor on his side, writhing.

Severus watching in appalled horror as Potter twitched as if under the Cruciatus Curse. Several moments later he relaxed on the floor, again breathing deeply.

"Blue bo'le, 'Me'ne," Potter rasped.

Granger dug through the bag pulling out several vials one at a time until she found the correct color. She uncorked it quickly and helped Potter to sit up. He downed the contents swiftly and sighed.

"I think he's finished," muttered Potter. "Bloody bastard."

It had to be a Calming potion. That would be the best potion to counteract the immediate after affects of Cruciatus. But where did Potter get it? And why did he need it?

Granger helped Potter to his feet and he staggered slightly.

"Moonstone next?" inquired Granger.

Potter nodded and to Severus' surprise, she did not approach his shelves, but reached again into Potter's pack.

"You _do_ know you have an apothecary in here, don't you?"

"Mmm," murmured Potter, checking the flame under his brew.

"Do you make _all_ of these?"

Apparently making _some_ of them wasn't in question.

"Of course," Potter said flatly. "You know if Snape noticed even a pinch of his ingredients missing there'd be an inquiry."

Granger chuckled. "Maybe, but if he knew half the things you are able to brew successfully, he'd be astounded."

Potter looked up at her and smirked. "More like drop dead of shock," he said. "Anyway, you know if I didn't make them, I'd spend half my life in the infirmary."

Just what the hell was the Dark Lord doing to the boy? And just why hadn't Dumbledore told Severus about the visions?

"And if any of the teachers found out about the rest of the stuff you can do-"

"They won't," Potter said harshly. "Until I'm ready."

"But, Harry, maybe they can help."

"But it defeats the purpose, doesn't it." Potter was adamant. "It's better for everyone to think I'm a mediocre student with no extraordinary magical talent. Then I'll always be underestimated. Surprise is sometimes the most successful tactic."

By Merlin, the boy was actually paying attention to him in lessons. Severus frowned. But the idiot boy shouldn't be hiding it from _him_.

"Anyway, if I don't get some real sleep soon," Potter continued. "I'm going to take a header down one of the moving staircases and then I'm sure to wind up in the infirmary." He glanced up at Granger. "And you know how Pomfrey babies me."

"Ok, ok," said Granger. "So what can I do?"

"I don't really need-"

"I know, I know," Granger spoke pacifyingly. "But in the shape you're in, I'd hate for you to throw the wrong thing in at the wrong time."

Potter sighed heavily.

Severus watched in awe as the two quietly brewed. Whatever potion Potter had created was a version of dreamless sleep with ingredients (all taken from Potter's bag and not from Snape's cabinet) that would more or less numb active brain function. With the correct spell (which Severus soon found out, Potter knew) the potion would put the drinker into a mini coma.

"What's the bicorn horn for?" Granger asked, sprinkling the freshly ground powder into the mix.

"That increases the shelf life without altering the effects," Potter answered softly. "But only because there's chopped ginger root in the potion."

Very good, Potter.

For the third time, Severus saw Granger grab his arm as if he were about to sink to the floor. The boy was obviously exhausted. And with the effects of the curse…

"It just needs to simmer for 10 minutes now before I add the dragon liver," Potter murmured.

Granger nodded and peered into the caldron. "Looks good," she said. She crinkled her nose. "Smells terrible, but it looks good."

Potter snorted. "Tastes worse than it smells," he said. "Believe me. But it's worth it."

"I take it you won't be coming with us to Hogsmeade."

Potter shook his head, rubbing his face. "No I plan to be comatose all weekend," he announced as if relieved. "And I may even be able to eat too."

"You haven't been eating that much," Granger agreed.

"After Cruciatus, stuff won't stay in my stomach," he explained.

"You should take some sort of nutrient supplement potion," Granger told him.

That wasn't a bad idea. Severus could probably create one.

"I'll whip one up tomorrow," Potter muttered. There was no mistaking his sarcasm, which was warranted as it was clear the boy was relieved that he was standing.

Potter stirred once then stared into the pot. Granger sighed and dug through his pack for something.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?"

Granger looked up at his profile.

"Do you really want to kiss Professor Snape?"

Severus suppressed his snort. Granger must have some deluded feminine sense of humor. Potter's face swung up. Severus would have killed to be able to see his expression.

"Where did you hear that?" His tone was surprised.

"Ron," Granger told him. "He told me about your conversation and that you almost got him with that little joke." Potter said nothing, merely stared at her. "And well, Ron forgets at times, but I don't."

"Meaning?"

"Harry, it's me you're talking to," said Granger. "I know how you throw people the truth knowing they'd never believe it."

Ah, more of the puzzle revealed. Severus wondered what other bits of personal truth, Potter had been spewing knowing no one would believe it.

_There was a little tidbit about living in a cupboard for 11 years which you thought was utter nonsense._

Severus ignored the irritating nag as the rest of the information caught up. Was it true?

"So?" Potter finally muttered and Severus wondered if it was in response to his tendency of hiding behind a truth no one believed or that he actually wanted to kiss a teacher.

"So it's true?"

"What's true?"

"God you're impossible sometimes," she said with exasperation. Severus felt that exasperation keenly himself. "That you want to kiss Snape."

Potter looked back into the caldron. "What if I do?"

Severus let out the breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. While his inner voice was rejoicing, Severus was having trouble concentrating on breathing. The first thing coming to mind was-

"Why?"

Potter looked up at his friend again and shrugged. "I like him."

_Here that, Severus? The delicious delinquent likes you._

Granger looked frustrated again. "Well I know the two of you have been working together amiably for a while now, but I mean, do you like him, as in _like _him?"

"I don't know," said Harry. "Maybe."

"Maybe?"

Potter rubbed his face again, clearly not wanting to have this particular discussion at the time. "Look, Ron asked, I told him. I wasn't expecting a sort of Spanish Inquisition."

"I'm sorry, Harry." She sounded sincere. "It's just that you never really mentioned anyone in that way before. I just wanted to help if I could."

"I know. It's just," he stared off nowhere in particular, "he's smart, powerful, talented, and God knows he's more mature than anyone else here. And…"

"And," she prompted.

"He makes me laugh, Hermione." He stirred the potion. "The other day he referred to McGonagall as an inflexible, interfering, little furball."

A chuckle escaped the girl. "That's terrible."

"I know," said Potter. "I swear I almost bit clear through my lip to keep from laughing. She was standing right there."

"She heard him?"

"Yeah." Potter nodded and a tired grin stretched across his face. "She said, 'When I come up with a clever retort, Severus, I'll be sure to retaliate.'"

"And what did he say?"

"He said, 'Oh, don't have kitten's Minerva, I was jesting,'" Potter continued. "And then she clucked her tongue at him and told him not to be crass because she was too old to have kittens."

Granger smiled fondly. "Sounds like friendly banter."

"Right, but McGonagall wasn't insulted or angry because it was Snape," Potter said. "He can get away with it."

Granger murmured some agreement. "So?"

"So." Potter sighed at looked at her. "What would you do if I called you a nosy, know-it-all with bad hair?"

Severus suppressed his snort of laughter. Not bad.

Granger's mouth dropped open, her eyes wide.

"Is that-"

"Hermione, that's my point," said Potter. "I wouldn't say that because you'd hit me."

Granger smirked. "I wouldn't hit you."

"You hit Malfoy fast enough."

"Malfoy called me a Mudblood and we don't like _him_ remember."

Potter smiled faintly and rubbed his face. "I know. I'm sorry. Don't mind me, I'm just so tired."

"It is true though, I guess," said Granger. "But if you tell anyone, especially Ron, that I admitted it, I'll have to kill you."

Potter glanced at her and smiled.

"And you've successfully steered the conversation away from the topic, Harry."

_Yes, do go back to the kissing part._

Snape couldn't honestly argue with his inner voice. He was learning a lot more than he had ever figured on about the brat. He just might have to hang onto this cloak.

"And what was that?" Potter asked.

Granger didn't buy the innocent look either. Smart girl. "Snape, are you going to tell him?"

The brat scoffed. "Oh that would be a priceless conversation. Excuse me, Professor, care to have a snog?"

_Works for me._

Severus frowned. He was sure the boy had more nerve than that. Where was the heralded Gryffindor bravery?

"He'd laugh himself into a coronary," Potter said. "After he hexed me into oblivion."

"Oh stop," Granger said, the picture of female reassurance. "I'm sure he'd be flattered."

Potter looked incredulous. "Flattered? Hermione, Snape doesn't subscribe to the Prophet. Nor does he put any stock in this scar. My various illustrious titles mean nothing to him, which is one of the reasons I like him."

The last was murmured so softly, Severus almost missed it.

"Must we go through this again, Harry?" Granger muttered with annoyance. "You _are _attractive."

"Hermione, they don't call them glamours for nothing," Potter replied tiredly. "There are mirrors in the tower. I know what I look like without them."

"Do you?"

Potter nodded, ignoring her concerned look. "My hair is terrible. It's like it's magically disenchanted."

Severus had to agree there. Potter, Sr., worked diligently to get his hair to behave exactly the way Potter's was naturally. It had to be some sort of magical irony that Potter Jr. hated it.

"I'm too skinny and-"

"There's just no talking to you when you're tired." Granger's exasperation was back.

Potter sent her one of those quirky smiles. "For now, I can live vicariously through my sordid reputation."

_Sounds like the boy has a bit of a self-esteem issue._

Severus could commiserate with that one first hand and almost had to laugh at the further irony of it. James Potter was as arrogant as the came. More proof that Harry was _not_ his father.

"Now you'd better leave," said Potter with a glance at his watch. "I can take care of the rest. I'll see you back in the common room."

"Don't be silly." Granger's jaw lifted. "I'm not leaving you alone."

"Hermione."

"What if you have another vision? What if-"

Potter looked at her and whatever expression was on his face was apparently enough because the girl acquiesced.

"If you're sure." She didn't look or sound pleased.

"I'm sure."

Severus watched Granger hesitantly leave the room, but his mind a torrent of thought as he speculated on all that he had heard.

Potter hiding his magical abilities? Suffering first hand the torture of Voldemort's victims? Attracted to _him_?

That last one had him reeling. He ignored his inner voice, which was currently mocking his doubts and encouraging him to jump the boy before he changed his mind, in favor of wondering why, how, when.

_You heard it from his own mouth._ _He wants to kiss you._

He pushed all his somewhat questionable thoughts away as he was faced with the matter at hand. Potter was exhausted, not to mention recovering from several doses of Cruciatus. He'd have to take the matter into his own hands (clearly the boy couldn't take care of himself) and see that he was suitably rested. If he added some hellebore to the mix…

"Shit."

Severus turned his attention back to the boy. Potter was holding a small vial up to a candle. It was obviously almost empty.

He leaned heavily on the lab table, shoulders slumped, head down in defeat. Must be the dragon liver. Severus moved closer. Since when was the troublemaker above _borrowing_ from his own stores?

Potter seemed to have the same thought as his head swung up and he turned to the side cabinet containing Snape's more valuable ingredients. He moved to the doors studying them with a thoughtful look Severus had never seen before.

As Potter began working on the ward to the cabinet, Severus silently plucked a vial off a shelf, sprinkled a pinch into the bubbling mix and returned to his place to observe the brat, who had stopped muttering spells at the door. He was now eyeing the design on the door with interest.

To Severus' surprise, he spoke to the cabinet, his tired voice – hissing? Parseltongue? Ah yes. There _was_ a snake on the front of the door. Again to his surprise, the door hissed back.

It was fascinating to watch and listen as Potter argued with his cabinet.

"Bloody stubborn snake," Potter muttered. "Leave it to Snape to have a loyal and incompatible potions cabinet."

He paced before the locked doors, tossing out words every few steps. Apparently the snake had informed him it was a password lock and not a spell lock. Several of Potter's attempts at guessing were quite admirable actually, but Severus was afraid he would probably have to abandon his cover and help the boy. Potter did need his assistance and Severus was now eager to interact with him.

He needed to confront the boy on several of the things he had heard.

_And kiss him. Don't forget, you have to kiss him._

Severus ignored the voice as Potter's head came up again, staring at Severus with wide eyes. For a moment, Severus thought Potter had seen him.

Potter smiled with satisfaction. "I've got you, Severus Snape," he said, the soft words and the tone sending an impulse right to Severus' groin.

He was about to toss off the cloak and berate the miscreant severely when Potter turned back to the cabinet.

"Sherbet lemon," Potter said and the doors sprung open.

Severus let out his breath again. Okay, so Potter had figured out his password.

Potter dug out his canister of dragon liver and brought it over to his brew. He pulled out one medium sized chunk, diced into a precise measurement and consulted his watch. With a sigh, he extinguished the flame beneath the pot and held the last ingredient over the surface.

Severus decided it was time to act. Leaning into the shadows, he let the cloak fall off and stepped closer to the table. Potter didn't seem to notice.

"Sorry, Professor," he murmured as he dumped it in. "I swear I'll replace it."

"See that you do."

Potter swung around, surprise and horror on his face.

"Professor, I – um – I didn't hear you come in."

"Obviously," said Severus unable to suppress his smirk. "You really should stir that, Mr. Potter."

"What? Oh." The boy turned and picked up the spoon. Severus stepped behind him to observe over his shoulder. He could feel the boy's body instantly tense. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Clockwise, idiot boy," Severus snapped. Potter stirred, his breathing labored and Severus had to wonder why.

_The boy wants you._

Again Severus ignored the voice, intent on the trembling body before him. He smelled of vanilla and colamile musk.

Gods, it would be so easy to take now that he knew it was an option. But that would open up a whole new series of problems. A teacher simply did not instigate any sort of relationship with a student, despite any chemistry or mutual consent. He reminded himself of his obligations.

However, it was important to see to the boy's well being.

"So let's see what you've concocted, Potter," he said mildly enough. Potter moved to the side, leaning heavily on the surface of the table.

The color was acceptable what with the additional components added and the smell was as vile as it should be. He filled a goblet with a dose and set it on the table. Then he moved to stand before the boy. He still appeared to be a combination of flabbergasted and apprehensive.

He stepped closer, their legs almost touching and Potter leaned away, his hands further back on the work table to support him. Severus studied his face, now that he was close enough. Even in his fatigue, he was beautiful.

He turned his face away and Severus quickly brought his hand up to cup his chin, holding it securely to his view. The bright green eyes were blood shot and rimmed with shadow and his brow was furrowed in confusion. Luscious cherry lips contrasted dramatically with the paleness of his face. Those lips were still parted reflecting his surprise.

Severus slowly let his hand drift down the jaw to his throat. The pulse pounded furiously beneath his fingertips. Merlin, he was going to regret this.

He leaned down and touched his lips to that red mouth. Gently at first, he tasted the sweetness of Potter's warm lips, then he allowed his tongue to stroke the fullness of the bottom lip. A soft moan came from the boy's throat and Severus lifted his head.

Potter's eyes were closed, his chin lifted, his mouth opened in offering.

Compliant, yielding. Severus had an intuitive feeling that this was merely the tip of the iceberg - so to speak. Severus had tasted the forbidden fruit-

Merlin, he was reduced to cliches. He was in serious trouble.

He lowered his head again, his arm moving around Potter's back as he crushed his lips again. Potter groaned, one hand lifting to clutch at Severus' shoulder. Severus pressed his hips against Potter's to keep him from slipping as his mouth followed his finger's path around the boy's jaw and down his throat. He bit down, sucking in the skin to feel the silken texture between his teeth. Potter arched into him with another moan.

Severus moved his mouth back up the smooth neck, trailing his tongue up to his ear. With a nip at the skin behind the lobe, Severus lifted his head again.

Potter's face, bereft of the mask, looked totally vulnerable, delightfully so. There was something about that helpless, neediness, which totally dissolved Severus' will, as solid as he considered it. Severus never did anything part way. It was all or nothing with him. Was he prepared to go through with this, this, whatever it was, with a student?

Again, student was the operative word. Potter wasn't a child. That had been decided. Severus wouldn't be entertaining such thoughts if the brat wasn't mentally capably of grasping the complexities of having a questionable relationship.

Potter was, after all, notorious for rule-breaking.

_You don't have to convince me._

He was desperately in need of someone to care for him as well. How was the boy to save the world when he couldn't take care of himself? Those friends of his were little help. Just who could Potter rely on to insure his well-being?

_There you go. He needs you._

Severus sighed. Despite the moral issues, he wanted the boy fiercely. Not only the incomparable form, but the whole package. He wanted the loyalty, the dependency, the trust. He had given Potter his kiss, now he would have to see what else he wanted. How far was he willing to go? It was up to him.

Severus stepped away, holding the boy firmly by the arms. Potter still needed special care. He held up the goblet. "Drink."

Potter took the cup. "But-"

"Drink," Severus insisted firmly. Potter knew the potion would take effect almost immediately. "Now." Potter eyed the liquid in the cup then glanced at Severus. "Drink it, Potter."

The boy downed the contents of the cup and Severus took it and placed it back on the table. Potter's grip tightened on the edge of the table but the boy's gaze never moved from his own. Finally the green eyes rolled back and Severus caught him as he slumped into unconsciousness.

TBC

15


	2. Awakening

To Have and To Hold

Chapter 2 – Awakening

Harry returned to consciousness and immediately felt the difference in his body. He felt – rested? Harry couldn't believe it. He had actually slept and slept well. How long had it been?

Damn, that potion had been-

His eyes flew open as he actually woke up.

Potion? Snape?

Everything came flooding back, and as much as Harry tried to convince himself it was a dream or some sort of sleep deprived hallucination, he knew it wasn't.

Harry could almost still feel those warm, moist lips on his mouth, that demanding tongue conquering his own, those teeth burning a path over his jaw and down his throat. The memory alone made him groan.

And he had just stood there, like a submissive little toy, as that mouth moved over his skin, kissing him with possessive urgency.

Harry groaned again and sat up, or rather, tried to sit up. And failed. His body felt like it was made of lead. It wasn't 100 natural either. There had to be some kind of restraining charm keeping him on the-

Where the hell was he anyway?

He glanced around with a small movement of his head. Everything was a mass of blurred shapes. His glasses? No, he didn't need them anymore. Why couldn't he see properly?

Again, he tried to take in the room. It was a sitting room of sorts. He was able to discern a fireplace across a small distance from where he lay on a couch and another chair nearby. Other furniture blurred further away in the chamber.

There was no movement, to Harry's relief. He was alone, for the moment. He really should get out. His brain locked on the seemingly brilliant idea of running. But how, when he couldn't move?

He could try to counter whatever spell was on him if he could summon his wand.

"The brave Gryffindor is not actually entertaining the idea of fleeing, is he?"

Harry closed his eyes briefly. God that voice was confection covered electricity, dripping with condescending intent.

"What would your fan club say?"

So deep and so rich. It vibrated over him like a melody.

"Mr. Potter, I know you can hear me."

Harry opened his eyes and made an effort to locate Snape's form. The large black mass was skulking closer. Harry brilliantly decided to play dumb.

"Professor," Harry managed. "What happened? Where am I?"

Snape was looming over him now and he sat down beside Harry to lean over him until his face came into focus. His black eyes gleamed with a knowing little light and the smirk was positively derisive.

"Come now, Potter, you can do better than that."

Harry decided that his brilliance was as overrated as Snape always said it was.

"Fine," Harry snapped. "I'm sorry I broke into your lab. I promise I'll replace the dragon liver. So take the damn points, give me detention and let me out of here."

Snape's brows shot up expectantly and Harry scowled.

"How come I can't get up?" he asked.

"Because, Mr. Potter," said Snape. "I added hellebore to your little concoction."

"Hellebore?" Harry frowned, running the ingredients through his head. It was poisonous but when mixed with the ginger roots and the powdered bicorn horn would leave the after effects of near paralysis as well as interrupt magic applied to the body, including glamours and the restorative on his eyes. "That explains why I can't see," he muttered and glared up at Snape. "Why?"

Snape blinked at him. "Because you're exhausted, Potter, and you need to rest."

"I can bloody well rest in my own dorm."

"You dare to take that tone with me, Potter?" Snape said, scowling again although his tone seemed more amused than angry. "A teacher?"

The amusement threw Harry off and he simply stared.

"You have demonstrated that you are completely incapable of caring for yourself," Snape went on. "Therefore, I shall do it for you."

Now Harry was blinking. "I beg your pardon?"

"You will remain where you are until I'm satisfied that you – won't take an accidental dive down one of the moving staircases."

Harry completely missed Snape's suggestive pause. "Damn it, Snape," He grumbled, trying to force his limbs to cooperate. "You deliberately-"

Snape's brow shot up again with implication and Harry froze, his mind grasping _all_ the facts. For Snape to deliberately add hellebore to his potion, and to know it would have these effects, he would have had to know what Harry was making, what ingredients he had already put in. _Accidental dive down a moving staircase? _Hadn't Harry used almost that exact phrase...

Harry felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach.

"How long were you in the lab?" Harry asked breathlessly.

A hand came up to his face and long fingers gently trailed down the side of his jaw. Snape watched his fingers move over Harry's cheek then met Harry's gaze again.

"Long enough."

By Merlin, the boy was priceless. Severus had seen the moment he woke up, his body moving in a sinfully sensual reflex as he took in how relaxed he must have felt. Ah, potions.

Then he saw the moment cognizant thought returned to that addled brain of his. No, not addled, if what he'd overheard was to be believed. Something that Severus would certainly investigate.

_Yes we must explore these hidden talents of his. Start with the kissing._

But as total recall of the prior evening hit the boy's expression, so did a rush of his feelings, made all the clearer without the shield of his glasses. Realization, self-consciousness and finally panic. Potter's first attempt at feigned ignorance was classic for him and brilliantly executed. He really was a master of that particular look and Severus couldn't help wondering if there _was_ some reserve of innocence that the boy _did_ possess which enabled him to tap into it so easily.

Potter dropped that facade swiftly enough, returning to the irritating insolent, foul-tempered brat Severus was used to. But Severus had seen clearly that this too was another of the boy's many masks that he donned for self-protection, or was it self-preservation? That too fell away when Severus mentioned the hellebore and Severus couldn't help but notice the evidence of Potter's potions knowledge as his expression reflected thought before acknowledgement. Severus saw the information being processed until finally realization hit again.

It was that moment that all the masks dropped and Severus was graced with the opportunity to see just Harry, as he had seen last night. And again the delicate masculine beauty of that face struck him. It drew Severus' hand in a spontaneous touch.

If he hadn't heard from those full, delectable lips himself, had not felt the response from the lithe body; he would never have believed such a creature could look on himself with any sort of interest. But he _had_ heard it and he had felt it and the knowledge went through him like a potent hex, touching every vital organ, every subconscious instinct. It was now a requirement that he possess this incredible individual; mind, body and soul. Harry Potter had to be his.

It had gone passed any moral issues or school rules. In the time it had taken to carry the boy from the lab to his rooms, Severus had made up his mind.

Cleaning up the lab had been easy since Potter hadn't left that much of a mess and he had bottled the potion. He was sure the boy would have been furious to have that supply ruined. He did indeed find himself astounded as he packed up the brat's bag. If Potter really had brewed all those potions, then he seriously needed to have a talk with the boy, and with Albus.

Everything he was striving to accomplish by himself. Courageously brewing his own potions, working on his own defenses. Enduring the pain alone. Suffering through visions. What the hell was wrong with the brat?

_He obviously doesn't wish to be a burden._

He shouldn't have to endure everything alone. Be forced to-

_But he tries. And you admire that. His fortitude and his perseverance. _

Yes, Severus had made his decision.

Severus also acknowledged that the impudent whelp, who thought it was his duty and his right to defy everything and everybody, would put up a fight.

_Probably with everything except the kissing._

Right now however, the boy's expression displayed distinct confusion. His arm twitched as if he were attempting to move it, either to touch Severus back or to push Severus' hand away from his face. The attempt failed of course, thanks to the specialized brew.

Potter's green gaze returned to his again and took on a curious gleam.

"You-you kissed me."

Not a question. Not an accusation, more like a puzzlement.

"I did," Severus admitted, his eyes helplessly falling to those lips. Potter's tongue darted out to moisten them and Severus had to restrain the urge to crush that mouth again with his own. His body responded gleefully to the very thought, his inner voice egging his body on.

He reminded his enthusiastic libido that the boy was sedated and there would be no satisfaction in claiming the drugged body. His inner voice he ignored all together.

"Why?"

Severus eyes returned to the gaze which still reflected puzzlement but it also betrayed his body's fatigue. The boy had slept but not nearly enough.

"You begged me too," Severus said simply.

Confusion crossed the face again, the brows furrowed and those lips parted in what was a silent gasp of surprise.

"I did?"

Severus didn't feel like explaining how Potter's simple vulnerable expression had been an entreaty, nor would Potter grasp the subtleties of his own allure.

"You admit it, then?"

Severus wished he could laugh at his astonishment, but the truth of the matter was that the brat was begging again. Those green eyes, wide with wonder, beckoned him.

His head inched closer, lips tingling with anticipation. Potter swallowed, drawing Severus' gaze to the pale column of his throat and thusly to the mark Severus had left. Severus slid the hand on Potter's face down the silken skin to the neck, his thumb brushing lightly over the possessive bruise his mouth had left.

A hoarse groan drew Severus' eyes again to the face in time to see Potter's eyes drift close and his head angle back.

_Oh yes. Definitely begging._

Severus crushed his mouth over the parted lips, his tongue delving into the only recently explored territory. Another welcoming moan greeted his ears as a tongue met his own.

The response jolted a return groan from Severus. Through the drug-induced stupor, Potter was kissing him back. It was the reminder Severus needed.

Running the hand to the center of Potter's chest, Severus held firmly as he pulled away. Potter's chest rose and fell quickly from deep breaths and his expression, still unguarded, showed the effect the kiss had.

Lips swollen, glazed arousal mixed with surprised wonder in the green gaze. If the boy was capable of voluntary movement and actually touched him, Severus would have been undone.

As it was, Severus had to remind himself that when he claimed Potter for his own, he wanted more than cooperation. He wanted, needed, would demand the enthusiastic passionate response that Potter was capable of, displayed in everything he did.

It would be worth it, he consoled his overzealous body. Even his inner voice conceded as he could see Potter was losing coherency. His eyelids drooped but not from the passion they had just shared.

"Sleep," Severus commanded sternly.

Potter's bottom lip was pulled between his teeth and again Severus wondered about that reserve of innocence.

_"For now I can live vicariously through my sordid reputation."_

Severus recalled the statement. Could it be possible, mean that there actually _was_ innocence? The very idea was doubtful but compelling. He couldn't possibly be untouched yet that prospect, which now grabbed hold of Severus with a vengeance, thrilled him to the very core.

"Sleep," he told Potter again as the lids fluttered weakly.

Severus watched him drift off and let his eyes wander over the relaxed form. His hand, still on the boy's chest, registered the even breaths of sleep and longed to travel unhindered over flesh stretched out before him.

Patience.

He moved his hand back to the face and stroked the smooth cheek with the back of his hand, knuckles brushed around the well-defined jaw.

Soon, this perfectly wrapped package of Gryffindor integrity, bravery and loyalty, the soon-to-be-savior and the desire of the wizarding world would belong to him.

Severus smirked as two stragglers from Hogsmeade joined the diners in the Great Hall for dinner. They both appeared somewhat haggard in appearance and their expressions were particularly fraught.

As he expected, they both trod carefully to the staff table and stopped before the Headmaster, waiting patiently for Albus to give them his attention.

"Ah, Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger," the Headmaster said. Severus didn't even have to look to know the fool's eyes were twinkling. "What can I do for you? Enjoy your trip to town?"

Weasley nodded and swallowed but Severus noticed that the boy's eyes flicked in his direction.

"Yes sir." Granger, ever the brave mouthpiece, spoke up. "We were just wondering, well, if you'd seen Harry."

"Missing someone, are you?" Severus couldn't help it, or the accompanying smug expression.

Both sets of eyes immediately turned to him, blatant accusation apparent.

_Now, Severus, if you're going to claim him, you really should be nicer to his friends._

Not bloody likely.

"What did you do to him, you-"

Granger clapped a hand over Weasley's mouth. She was the clever one of the lot, after all.

"Ah, yes," Albus intervened, ever the diplomat. "It seems Mr. Potter has been suffering from some unpleasant nightmares and has sought out Professor Snape for some Dreamless Sleep Potion."

Both Gryffindors looked at Severus again as if they knew exactly what had transpired and wanted to know the repercussions.

_Oh, do tell them about the kissing! I'd love to see Weasley have a stroke over that._

"But where is he, sir?" Granger asked, turning back to Albus. "He's not in the tower or the hospital wing."

"Yes, well, it seems," Dumbledore informed them, "that the potion took immediate effect so the Professor was gracious enough to let Harry sleep it off where he was."

"And um," Granger's eyes flicked to Severus again. "Where was he?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Miss Granger," Snape nearly growled. Idiot children, did they think him a monster. "I'm not so callous as to leave a student, even Potter, on the floor of the dungeon laboratory."

"So, where did you put him?"

Honestly, nothing of intelligence has ever come out of the mouth of a Weasley.

"He is asleep, Mr. Weasley," Severus couldn't help the sneer, "Quite comfortably on a sofa in the study adjacent to my office."

_Otherwise known as the parlor in your chambers next to your bedroom._

Semantics. "When he's rested, I'll be sure to evict him post haste," said Severus. "As well as deduct the appropriate number of points for breaking into my lab and my ingredients cabinet. Not to mention, the sundry other rules he broke last night."

_Like begging a teacher to kiss him. Having such a delicious throat. Being so beautiful-_

"I'm sure Mr. Potter is fine," Albus said. "Run along. You'll see him later."

Severus watched the pair move off towards the Gryffindor table, whispering to each other. His thoughts wandered back to the divine delinquent held captive by sleep in his dungeon.

_Severus, how positively gothic that sounds._

Severus snorted quietly into his teacup.

Harry moved carefully from the dungeons. The potion hadn't entirely worn off and aside from the fact that his vision was still messed up, his body still felt lined with lead. He was _not_ going to take an 'accidental dive' down a moving staircase and end up in the hospital wing after everything else that had happened.

It was the 'everything else' however that had made him move in the first place. He just wasn't up to another confrontation with Snape.

For God's sake, Snape had kissed him. Twice. _Snape!_ And Harry was no expert but damn...

Helen or Helena or Helene or whatever her name was, certainly wasn't doing it right because nothing had ever felt like that. Maybe it just meant that Harry's preferences ran in a different way.

Ron had said it was different, nothing to write home about.

Maybe Ron was doing it wrong too. Maybe it was just Snape. Maybe it was-

Maybe he should just stop thinking about it.

But how could he when he could still feel the heat from the man's touch on his neck and throat. He fingered his neck absently, flinching as he found it tender. Crap. How the hell was he supposed to explain the hickey? Hermione would surely-

Double crap. Snape must have heard the whole bloody conversation. He had actually admitted he wanted to kiss Snape.

Harry caught himself before running into a stanchion.

No wonder Snape said he had begged for it. He _had_ practically asked to be kissed. Harry moved around the column and moved slowly onward. So that explained it. Snape had helped him out with the potion and kissed him.

God he was such a fool. To think he had actually kissed Snape back the second time. Snape was going to use this one until the end of time.

Harry finally made it to the dorm and wearily laid down on his bed. His body was exhausted but his mind kept straying to the man's kisses. He absently fingered his lips.

What could have possessed Snape to kiss him? Really.

Maybe begging wasn't quite as bad as it sounded. If it got him more kisses.

Maybe Harry was just losing his mind. It's exhaustion, he told himself, as his fingers trailed down the path Snape's lips had traveled, remembering. His other hand traveled south of it's own accord.

He wished...

Sleep finally claimed and Harry fell asleep with a smile on his swollen lips.

"Harry? Harry?"

Harry vaguely heard Ron's voice. "Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

He couldn't help smiling. His dreams were so sweet. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Ron shook his shoulder. "Snape said you were in his lab."

"I got caught. In a big way," he said softly. "Slipped something into my potion. Made me drink it right away."

"That stuff knocks you right out," Ron pointed out.

"Mmm. Good stuff."

"Ron, let him sleep," Hermione's voice was a whisper. "We'll talk to him later."

"Yeah, alright," Ron muttered. "At least he's out of the dungeons."

Snape looked around his chambers, his fury mounting. The bloody brat bolted!

_You were expecting docile acquiescence?_

Severus sighed. Actually it was typical. Potter wouldn't be Potter if he didn't display some form of defiance. A little appreciation, gratitude, for Severus' help wouldn't have been amiss however and he'd be sure to berate the boy good for his lack of manners.

_He wasn't the one molesting you while you were drugged._

Severus flinched at his own thoughts. Merlin, he had probably intimidated the boy with too much too soon.

_Potter?_

All right, maybe intimidate was the wrong word. Spooked? Disturbed? Unsettled? Severus couldn't help it though. The vision of him looking up at Severus without any sort of mask, in effect, honest, was not only a thrill but an honor. He doubted even Granger or Weasley had ever seen such a naked expression on him in the last few years.

_Naked is good._

Of course, Severus had already decided to open up that bloody can of worms. But if Potter was capable of hiding everything he had been allegedly hiding, then what was a little mutual lust?

Still, he considered, he would have to proceed with caution. And he still had to find out what Potter felt.

"Harry, you're not seriously considering going back there?"

"I've got to replace the dragon liver I used," said Harry, opening his trunk. He pulled out a couple of vials and sighed with relief. He knew he had more. "It shouldn't be too hard if I make it quick. Even if he changed the wards, I should be out in no time." He rummaged through the articles in his trunk. "Where's my cloak?"

Hermione gasped loudly and Harry looked up. She had both hands clapped over her mouth, her eyes wide.

"What?"

"Oh Harry, I forgot it."

"Forgot what?"

"Your cloak," she said hurriedly. "I didn't want you to know I borrowed it, so I tucked it behind the statue outside Snape's lab and I-"

"You forgot it!" Harry stood up abruptly. "How could you forget it?" Dawning struck again. "No wonder I didn't hear him come in. He must have grabbed it and followed you in. He heard everything."

At least Harry knew exactly what Snape had heard and how.

"Well the man _is_ a spy, Harry," Ron said reasonably.

Harry sent him a glance then turned a questioning look to Hermione. "Did you hear me, Hermione?" Harry said.

"Yes, he heard-"Her jaw falling open stopped her sentence. "Even-"

"Even _that_."

"Oh God, was he furious?"

"What?" Ron asked catching up on the conversation.

"Um."

"Harry, he's going to find out eventually anyway," Hermione said.

Harry made a frustrated gesture and ran a hand through his hair. Hermione took it as an assent.

"Ron," she began carefully, "Harry was serious when he said he wanted to kiss Snape."

"Ha, ha," Ron said. "Very funny." But a look back and forth between them made him frown. "You're kidding, right?" He looked at Harry who shook his head. "You're not kidding."

Harry nodded.

"And he heard you and Hermione discussing it?"

Harry nodded again.

"And he kissed you, didn't he?" Ron's voice depended and Harry couldn't tell it was outrage or confusion.

Harry flinched and Hermione looked at Ron with surprise.

To Hermione, he said, "Well who wouldn't?" To Harry, "He did, right?"

Harry only nodded again.

Now curious, Ron asked, "How was it?"

"Ron?"

"Ron, we _are_ on the same page on this, aren't we?" Harry asked worriedly. "You do realize we're talking about Snape."

Ron nodded. "Believe it or not, I'm not a complete idiot," he told them. "I did figure out that you could be telling me the truth and I've had some time to think about it. You do know him better than we do, all the time you've been spending with him and all, and I've noticed a few times you staring..."

Harry could only blink. "And you're okay with this?"

"Hell no," said Ron. "The man will shred you alive. Even if he doesn't hate you to the extent that he used to, he's still Snape and unless he's gone completely nutters, he's going to use it. You should have seen how damned smug he looked earlier."

Harry nodded gravely. "That's what I'm thinking. He's going to humiliate me for sure."

"I don't think he will," said Hermione.

"How could he not?" Ron wanted to know.

"Because he's a teacher," she insisted. "He took advantage of Harry when he was – er not really of sound mind, so to speak. I mean there has to be some sort of rule about student-teacher relations."

"She's got a point, mate," said Ron.

"Why didn't you bring that point up last night?" Harry demanded.

Hermione flushed. "I'm sorry, Harry. I just never really thought anything would come of it. I mean you, yourself said you weren't going to do anything about it."

Harry considered it. "Alright, so what now? I forget it happened?" Pretend, maybe. Forget? Not without an obliviate.

"Just see what happens," Hermione reasoned. "I'll bet, Snape doesn't say a word about what happened."

"And what about my cloak? I'm not letting him keep it."

"You've lost your mind. Is that it?" Ron was looking at him suspiciously. "You can't sneak back there. Or do you _want_ to get caught again?"

"Well it was a damn good kiss," Harry muttered. Did he just say that? "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just still really tired."

"Obviously," Ron said, as if he was trying to blame the whole ordeal on Harry's exhaustion. "Look, just sleep on it. You can ask for the cloak back tomorrow after class."

Harry conceded and they bade Hermione a goodnight. She headed out back to her own dorm and Harry closed up his trunk. It was late and everyone else in their room was already in bed, if not asleep. They changed their clothes and climbed into bed. Ron drifted off almost immediately, obvious by the soft snores coming from his bunk.

Harry rolled over, his mind still a turmoil of uneasy thoughts. He barely had a chance to cast a silencing spell as the first vision hit him.

Harry's weakened mind succumbed and he realized with dread that Snape also had the rest of his potion. There would be no sleep tonight.

TBC

Chapter 3: Some of Harry's secrets come out but now he has a new one he has to keep.


	3. Rationalization

To Have and To Hold

Chapter 3 – Rationalization

Harry managed to get through his morning classes. He had to cast another glamour that morning and he skipped lunch to try and take a nap. That had been a total failure as someone had set off a Dungbomb in the common room and the smell hadn't dissipated yet.

So it was with utter dread that Harry shuffled into Potions. He tried not to look at Snape at all. It was a serious trial though. He knew that if he looked at the professor that his eyes would be drawn to his lips and he would remember – well – things he shouldn't be thinking about.

It was difficult enough trying to concentrate on his potion while Snape was skulking around the classroom, making scathing comments. That damned voice...

"Mr. Potter, what _are _you creating?"

Harry startled. Snape was hovering right over him. How _did_ he do that? Peering into his cauldron, Harry frowned. It certainly shouldn't be pink.

"Wound cleaning potion?" Harry suggested, still not looking up.

"Really?" Snape said, his voice dripping with derision. "Would you put that on one of the wounds you so frequently acquire?"

"Er, no," he admitted.

"I didn't think so." Snape sounded as smug as always. "I think detention is in order."

Harry exhaled heavily as Snape strode away.

"Well that wasn't too bad," whispered Ron, as he began clearing away their mess.

"I heard that, Weasley," Snape said simply. "Five points from Gryffindor for impertinence."

Harry clamped his mouth closed. Ten more minutes and he could escape.

Ten minutes seemed an eternity as they cleaned their cauldron and put the rest of their ingredients away. Finally the bell rang.

"Potter, stay behind," Snape ordered. "I've decided you will serve detention immediately."

Harry internally cringed. He was not up to this. Would Snape be angry because Harry had left? He now knew about Harry using glamours. Would he be angry about that? And what about the kissing? Was Harry supposed to act like it didn't happen?

A glance at Snape revealed nothing. The man wasn't even looking at him. He was shuffling through parchments on his desk as the class gathered their belongings and left.

Harry sent Ron and Hermione a meaningful look and continued to pack his things. The last of the students left and Harry swallowed hard as he heard the door close.

"Follow me."

Definitely a command. Maybe a couple of kisses didn't change anything. Harry swallowed again, licked his lips and wiped moist palms on his robe. Snape preceded him through the door to his office, then through another door into what looked like a study. It was cozy in an earthy sort of way, filled with dark wood furniture and bookshelves. The hearth looked inviting so Harry moved towards it, while Snape moved to the large desk.

Snape sent a locking and silencing charm towards the door. Harry shuddered as he heard it. He was really, really not up to this.

"Now, Mr. Potter," Snape said as he leaned against the desk and crossed his arms. "Exactly what part of 'you will remain where you are until I say you can leave' didn't you understand?"

Harry pulled his eyes off the flames and looked at the potions master. "The part when you kissed me, sir." Harry flinched at his own words. His brain obviously wasn't working.

Snape blinked at him then smirked. "Was it unsatisfactory or otherwise not up to your standards?"

Harry couldn't help his jaw from dropping open. Which was the wrong – or maybe the right – thing to do because his mouth was suddenly filled with Snape's tongue.

God, it was better than he remembered. He wrapped his arms around Snape's neck and hung on for dear life as he succumbed to the thoroughness of being tasted and explored by that adept tongue. He tasted a combination of mint tea and chocolate as Snape caressed his mouth with his own.

When he was seriously in need of oxygen, Snape released his mouth to trail nips and licks along his jaw. Harry moaned helplessly, savoring the lingering impression of Snape's lips as they moved.

He felt bereft when Snape lifted his head. Harry opened his eyes and was glad that Snape's arms were around him, because he was almost positive he would've hit the floor if not for the support. Snape's gaze danced over his face until settling on his own and Harry almost gasped as the intensity of it.

Something very strong empowered that stare and if Snape felt anything close to what Harry was feeling than it was a wonder the two of them didn't burn to cinders where they stood.

He hoped-

"Drink."

Harry blinked. A cup was held to his mouth. How it got into Snape's hand, which shook slightly, he wasn't sure. Harry swallowed the fluid as the rim was tilted against his lips before he could ask what it was.

It didn't take long before he knew. His eyes drifted closed as he sank into induced sleep.

Severus scooped Potter up and laid him back on the sofa.

_This is getting to be quite a nice habit._

Severus ignored the voice. He had a couple of things to do, then he had to contact Albus.

Once he felt ready to confront the Headmaster, Severus checked Potter, who was still asleep, and fire called Dumbledore. After explaining where and why Potter was again asleep on his sofa, omitting key details, Severus tried to impress upon the Headmaster the seriousness of Potter's condition.

"The brat's exhausted, Albus."

"I know, Severus, but-"

"Albus." Severus leaned over the arm of the couch and turned the Potter's face towards the fireplace.

"He looks-"

_"Finite Obscurus," _said Severus, removing the glamour.

"Good heavens," Albus exclaimed, shocked.

"Indeed." Severus faced the Headmaster seriously. "Why didn't you tell me about the visions, Albus?"

"I assure you, I did."

That indignant look didn't fly with Severus. "You told me about the connection; that Potter could see some of the things the Dark Lord did and feel some of his emotions." Severus stood rigid. "You did _not_ tell me that Potter felt the effects of the Dark Lord's curses as he saw them."

Dumbledore studied him silently and for a moment Severus thought he was going to be inundated with a bevy of Albus' brand of hogwash. Then it hit him.

"You didn't know, did you?" Severus asked.

"No, Severus," he admitted in a pained voice. "I did not realize the extent of the connection. He did not confide in me." Dumbledore sighed heavily, looking his age. "Although considering all I've withheld from Harry, I am not surprised."

Severus sighed and recounted what he knew about the potions Potter had made for himself as well as what he knew about what Potter experienced with the visions.

"I thought it was your opinion that Harry was dreadful at potions."

_Oh, do tell him you were wrong._

"It seems that necessity was a stronger force than I was to inspire the brat's proficiency."

"Indeed," murmured Albus, his eyes still studying Potter's shadowed face. "It seems yet another trait he shares with his father."

_Don't rise to it. We're discussing Harry, not James._

Severus sneered but contained his comment. "Headmaster?" he inquired curiously.

Dumbledore gave Severus his attention again. It may have looked like the fool's mind had wandered off, but Severus knew by now that the reflective look for Albus meant ideas were forming. Severus shuddered.

"Hiding things from me," Albus explained. "The glamours and the talent," he enumerated. "I was just speculating on what else Harry could be hiding."

_Damn._

"I doubt Potter is capable of hiding more from _you_, Albus," Severus assured him. Severus wanted to be the one...

"Perhaps," said Albus seriously. "But as he has already confided in _you_ about the visions, maybe he will open up further to you."

_Aren't you the smooth snake, Severus?_

"Albus, we've worked with each other extensively all last year, but I hardly count as a confidant."

"Don't discount your abilities, Severus," Albus encouraged. "Harry already respects you. You could get him to trust you."

Severus nodded resignedly. "I will try."

"Very well, I will leave it to you," said Dumbledore finally. "I'll inform his friends that some temporary seclusion is necessary."

"That would be helpful."

"You don't think Poppy-"

"He needs rest, Albus," Snape's tone was severe. "Not mollycoddling, nor all his friends traipsing in and out of the infirmary."

"That is probably wise as well, Severus," said Dumbledore with a sigh. "Try to be nice."

"Nice?" Severus said indignantly. "I intend to make him sleep," Snape said. "I do not intend to entertain him."

_Kissing isn't entertainment?_

"And do let me know when he's well enough to return to classes."

Severus nodded and the Headmaster vanished from the hearth.

"You told on me?"

Severus spun around to see Potter staring up at him, accusation and betrayal in his eyes. He sighed.

"Potter, I only told the Headmaster what was necessary," he admitted. "I know you think you can handle the situation, but you can't. Without help, you will end up injuring yourself. Would you rather spend a few days with Madam Pomfrey?"

His mouth opened then closed again.

"As I thought," Severus said with a smirk. "Besides, I am a much better kisser than she is."

The jaw dropped opened again and the pink tinge that flushed Potter's face was quite satisfying.

"Now that that is settled," Severus announced as he settled into a chair near the sofa. "Once you have rested acceptably and have more strength, we'll have to work on the Occlumency further. I'm sure we can come up with something."

"And what about the-the-"

"The what, exactly, Potter?"

"The kissing."

Severus surveyed the young man lounging on his couch again. Thank Merlin he had taken the glamour off and his exhaustion was visible. The brat was just too tempting.

"That depends on you, Potter."

"Me?"

"The sooner you're better, the sooner we can clarify and explore any sort of relationship."

_Bribing the brat with kisses, Severus? How Slytherin._

Potter sat up, too fast, and Severus was instantly beside him.

"Lay down, Potter," he commanded sharply. "Don't make me douse you with potions again."

"Look, I don't know what kind of game you're playing at but-"

"Lay down!"

"No." The whelp stood up. "Not until you tell me what you're playing at."

Severus took a firm hold on his arm, steadying him.

"Potter, do you think I go about distributing kisses to the upper classmen?" he said angrily. Potter shook his head. "Precisely. Use your brain. If what occurred between us became known, we could both lose our respective positions here at the school."

Potter gave a thoughtful nod and allowed Severus to help him back to a comfortable sprawl on the couch. "I think we are both too important-"

"Even with our respective positions being what they are," Severus cut off his argument. "The Headmaster could isolate me somewhere in the castle and ship you off to some safe house," Severus told him. Potter seemed subdued by that idea. Severus tipped his chin up to meet his gaze. "Do you want that? To be hidden away somewhere, away from your friends?"

He shook his head. "No. But..."

"But, what?"

"Well, obviously you heard my conversation with Hermione and," Potter turned his head, but again Severus turned it back. "Well I only assumed that your actions would be to humiliate me."

Severus tightened his grip around Potter's jaw, just firmly enough to get his attention. "Mr. Potter, do you truly believe I would do that?"

Potter dropped his gaze. "No," he murmured. "Not really. But," he looked up again, "Then why-I mean..."

"Spit it out."

"I just haven't figured out why you're interested in me."

"You're interested in _me_," Severus reasoned.

_Fishing for compliments, Severus? Do you care why?_

"But you're attractive," Potter said. "You move with grace and purpose, not all gangly and awkward. Your voice is so sexy it should be illegal. You're brave and honorable..." He looked away self-consciously.

Severus blinked. Potter's earnest opinion shook him to the core. Was he serious? They were passed the point of jesting so he must be, and even if the physical aspect of their association had yet to proceed, the intent was clearly present. "So honorable that I would lower my ethics to the point of becoming involved with a student."

"That's what I don't get," Potter said his expression confused. "Why would you do that?"

_Why, indeed? I dare you to tell him that you can't help it. Tell him you find him so irresistible that honor has no meaning. That even logic and reason pass away in matters of the heart._

"Mr. Potter, you haven't forgotten who you are, have you?"

_Coward._

"I thought you didn't subscribe to my so called fame."

Severus pulled a feral grin. "It has its advantages."

Potter's face turned serious as he stared back. "Mm. Everyone wants a piece of Harry Potter."

_Fools. All of them._

"Indeed."

Severus wouldn't have believed it if he didn't see it. Potter looked as if he'd been struck, he pale features flinched then his expression turned completely neutral, bland even.

He got up again and stepped away from Severus to approach one of the bookshelves, inspecting the titles. "So you seriously want to start something with me?"

What just happened? Potter's mask was in place again.

_Should have told him the truth. Now he counts you as one of the fools._

He stepped behind Potter and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him against his chest. Severus ignored his inner voice. The truth was uncertain. The only thing that was certain was the need to protect and possess. But he would _not_ be counted among the fools.

"Yes, but there will be rules," Severus said softly into his ear. "The first rule is honesty.

"Oh?" Potter's voice was clear but there was a definite tremble.

"Yes. You can drop the mask and tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing. Why would you think-"

Severus' hands moved over his chest. "Mr. Potter, how long have you known me?"

"Seven years."

"Precisely," Severus breathed into his ear, his lips brushing the rim. "And in that time, have I ever cared about your fame?"

"No, but you never wanted anything from me before. Now you-"

Severus latched his mouth onto the side of Potter's throat. He all but melted into Severus' chest with an exquisite moan.

_Note to self: extremely sensitive neck._

"What exactly do you see when you look in a mirror, Mr. Potter?"

"Um. I don't-

Severus hands found their way underneath the cotton shirt and moved over tantalizing silken skin. He found a nipple and scraped it with a nail until it pebbled.

"You think I'm attractive?" Potter asked in a breathy voice.

"The whole wizarding world thinks so."

"The whole wizarding world thinks the Boy-Who-Lived is attractive."

Severus heard the bitterness and the contempt in the words and in the voice. "Are you not Boy-Who-Lived?"

"Only when I have to be," he stated quietly.

Hm. "I see," said Severus.

"Do you?"

Severus turned the body in his arms and lifted his face. The Boy-Who-Lived was just another mask. He understood and he nodded.

"So then why?"

_Tell him!!_

Severus studied Potter's face. Open curiosity was apparent, but also a hint of insecurity. It was a look that one would never have seen on James' face and certainly shouldn't be on this particular Potter's face. Severus didn't like it. He wanted to wipe it out of existence.

_Kiss it off._

So he did.

Severus' tongue searched and entwined with Potter's again. The potion's taste was fading but Severus could smell the cocamile again. It must be his shampoo. Merlin, he could kiss him forever. It felt so good. He tightened his arms around the lithe form, his hands still touching skin as he held Potter close.

He finally raised his head before his body became too engrossed. "Does that answer your questions?" asked Severus.

Green eyes opened, glassy with arousal. "Wow."

Severus frowned, as delicious as he was... "You definitely need more sleep, Potter."

"I'd rather have more kisses."

_He's addicted to your kisses now. Isn't that magnificent?_

He is also – kissing me?

Potter's arms had crept up and around Severus' neck and Harry was now plastered to his front, his mouth exploring his own.

_He's a fast learner – or not as inexperienced as you'd hoped._

His inner voice was completely ignored in favor of the young muscular curves as Severus took back control of the kiss.

Trailing his mouth down that delectable throat again, Severus found the spot he had marked the other night and bit down gently.

A soft gasp escaped the now swollen lips and Harry's hips thrust against his own. Severus smiled around the skin between his teeth.

_Oh, yes. Good spot._

Harry's fingers clutched at his hair, pulling desperately and Severus lifted his head only to have his mouth attacked again.

_Definitely enthusiastic._

Severus body was more than a little interested now and he knew he had to either calm Potter down or...

Leaning the pliant body against the back of the large winged back chair, Severus quickly unfastened the front of Potter's trousers and slid his hand inside. Potter gasped into his mouth as Severus' hand curled around the throbbing erection.

Severus didn't stop kissing, mapping the sweet mouth with his tongue, as he stroked his cock. His thumb moved over the dripping slit and Potter instinctively bucked into his hand.

Pumping firmly along with Potter's thrusts, Severus moved his mouth to Potter's ear, nipping and licking along the way.

"Come for me," he whispered.

Potter arched, tensed and came. Severus watched the play of naked emotions that traversed over the younger man's features with fascination until his bottom lip was pulled between his teeth, biting to keep from crying out.

Severus held him firmly until his shuddering stopped and he summoned his wand. A quick spell cleaned his hand, the boy and his clothes, while Severus maintained a firm hold around Potter.

Potter's forehead rested comfortably on his shoulder, his arms loose around Severus' neck. Severus summoned a vial and with a gentle grip on Potter's silky hair, tilted his head back. There was a dreamy smile on the well-kissed lips and Severus had to grin at it.

He held the vial to Potter's lips and the eyes opened instantly. "No. Please, no more-"

"Drink it," Severus insisted, tilting it into his mouth. It was more than a sleep potion, there was restorative in it as well. He ensured that Potter swallowed it all, then tossed the vial onto a nearby table just as Potter went limp. Severus swept him up again and laid him back on the sofa. He couldn't wait to lay the man on his bed, wrap him in Severus' Slytherin sheets.

He moved, more than a bit uncomfortably, to the shower to take care of his own need, which was dire. The sight of Potter's rapt expression was more erotic than anything Severus could recall seeing. The brat was just too damned...

_Sexy? Responsive? Hot?_

Severus couldn't find fault with any of the adjectives this time.

_And he comes on command. Think he learned that from his godfather?_

Severus smirked, turning on the taps. He would just see if the boy would 'stay' this time.

Harry moved quickly up the stairs to the tower. He still felt tired, but his body felt more alive than it had in months. Snape – or would it be Severus now? – was incredible. And not only with the kissing or the other parts. Harry smiled just thinking about it. Jerking off was definitely better with a partner.

Snape – er, Severus, seemed very concerned about his health, which was something Harry wasn't used to. True, Snape had always been diligent and thorough with his training, but now he was showing actual concern about his tiredness. And he was trying to force Harry into sleeping better, like he wanted to take care of him.

Harry had to admit, he'd never really been taken care of. It would be nice not to have to worry about _everything._

Could he trust Snape, trust anyone, to such an extent? He'd have to tell Snape about, well, everything. Snape seemed sincere enough. And he had bottled up all of Harry's potion. He'd found the vials, each one labeled and filled with one precise dose each, on one of Snape's shelves.

Harry frowned. But he had told Dumbledore about the visions.

"Harry!"

He turned as Ron and Hermione clamored up the steps to meet him.

"Where have you been?" Hermione demanded. "We were told you were indisposed, but we checked the hospital and you weren't there."

Harry could help the heat that infused his face. "I was in the dungeons."

"With Snape?" Ron asked carefully.

Harry smiled. "Yeah."

"And did he kiss you again?" Ron demanded.

Harry looked around to make sure no one was around. It was dinnertime but he had to make sure. Snape hadn't been in the room when Harry woke up and since he didn't reappear when Harry called him, Harry assumed he could leave.

The hallway was empty as they moved down it. "Keep your voice down, Ron," Harry told him intently.

"Then he did," Ron inferred.

Harry nodded.

"Oh, Harry, this is bad," said Hermione, wringing her hands.

Harry stopped and turned to Hermione. "It damned well isn't."

Hermione shuffled them both into a nearby empty classroom. "I looked up student-teacher relationships at Hogwarts," she said after she cast a privacy spell around them.

"And?" said Ron.

"And it's forbidden."

Well that didn't surprise Harry.

"The last one was 20 odd years ago. A young man named Curtis Reed and the charms teacher, Florence Rivers had an affair," Hermione went on.

"And what happened to them?" Ron was interested even if Harry wasn't.

There was no way in hell Harry was going to end whatever it was he had until he saw where it went. Snape seemed to have everything Harry needed; experience, discretion, intelligence, responsibility and he showed concern for Harry, not the Boy-Who-Lived.

"Curtis was expelled and the teacher was fired."

"And?" Harry prompted. He bet that couple didn't end it either.

"Well it didn't say in Hogwarts: A History but-"

"We know you looked it up," said Ron. "Spill it."

"Well, they got married and Florence Reed-"

"Isn't she the author of those household charm books?" Ron said. "I think my mum has some."

Hermione nodded. "Yes and Curtis Reed does security in the town where they live in Spain. They're still married, have 5 children and are very happy."

Well that was encouraging. The trick was not to get caught. Shouldn't be too hard with a Slytherin spy and a part Slytherin descendant of a marauder who was used to hiding things. Too bad his animagus form wasn't a bug or something equally indigenous to the castle.

Hermione was going on about that Curtis Reed never took his NEWTS and was just plain lucky that he found a job.

Harry dismissed it. "So it'll have to be a secret," said Harry with a shrug. "Not that anyone would probably believe it anyway. But we're used to keeping secrets."

Both Ron and Hermione were looking at him like he had grown another head.

"What?"

A green head with tentacles sprouting out the side.

"Harry," said Hermione carefully. "Are you serious about continuing-"

"Hell yes," Harry said vehemently. "He's willing to chance it too. I'm not giving up a chance with someone who wants _me_," he thumped his chest, "ME – Harry, not the Boy-Who-Lived."

"But you could do so much better, mate," Ron said, his expression battling between outrage and disbelief.

"Maybe I don't want to," Harry argued. "I started this. You both knew how I felt. Now I know he feels it too."

Harry wasn't exactly sure what Snape felt, but he knew there was something there. The potion master was not the sort of person who let lust rule his life. Snape wanted him and it was for more than just sex. "What could be wrong with trying?" he asked his friends.

"How do you know he's not just trying to-"

"Ron," Harry interrupted. "You heard Hermione. He would be in as much trouble as me, more even. He's not going to risk it on a whim."

Harry could tell by their defeated expressions that he had won. They both knew how stubborn he was. He knew Hermione wasn't opposed to the rule breaking anymore; he and Ron had sufficiently broken her of that problem over the years. And Ron was merely trying to get his mind around the fact that it was Snape.

"Look, it's not like we're getting married or anything," Harry said. "It's just a little, just a little-"

"Just a little what?" Hermione wanted to know.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure yet," Harry admitted. "But I'll let you know. Okay?"

Harry finally got them moving and they went back to the common room to study. On the way, Ron leaned close to his ear.

"It's just kissing, right?"

"Well, yeah, mostly," Harry said, unsure if Ron wanted all the gory details.

"Mostly?" Ron said, his brows furrowed. Why was it that Ron was only that perceptive when sex was involved?

"I'll tell you later."

Ron looked more than appeased.

Severus returned to his rooms after the meal, unsure whether to be happy that Granger and Weasley didn't make an appearance at dinner or concerned. When he found his sofa empty, he had his answer.

_Guess he doesn't do 'stay.'_

Severus sighed. He didn't have 7th year NEWT potions class again until Wednesday and there was no chance that he was going to chase the brat around. Although he did have Potter's cloak...

"Severus?"

Severus turned towards the fireplace. "Headmaster," he greeted. "What can I do for you?"

"How is young Harry?"

Severus scowled. "I'd tell you if he were here, but the brat must have fled when he woke up."

Albus frowned. "I see." He looked thoughtful. "You are trying, aren't you?"

"Of course," Severus said indignantly. "But if he doesn't stay put..."

"I understand," said Albus. "I will insist that he continues his Occlumency lessons."

_My, my. That _is_ helpful of the Headmaster, isn't it?_

"That would be best," was all Severus could say.

"I'll speak with him in the morning and you will resume the lessons tomorrow night."

"Very well, Albus."

"Have a good night, Severus."

"Thank you, Headmaster. You also."

Dumbledore vanished from the flame and Severus sighed again, his eyes straying to the vacant sofa. What was it about the brat that made Severus want to keep him hidden from the rest of the world?

_The rest of the world doesn't see his suffering._

He doesn't _let_ the world see his suffering. But how could Severus help him if the idiot didn't cooperate?

"I should have tied him up," Severus muttered.

_Now, _that_ idea has merit._

Severus groaned. The image of Potter tied up on green satin sheets conjured itself into his mind. It was going to be a long night.


	4. Secrets

See Chapter 1 for headers and disclaimer. Reminder: this is Slash. If you don't like, don't read.

Spoiler warning. Some mention of events in Order of the Phoenix and a deviation from the canon within (ie. Character did not die).

Warning for Canon OOCness- At the beginning of this fic, I described Draco Malfoy a certain way for a reason. You will see more of it.

Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and emails. They are just what the starving author needs.

To Have and To Hold

Chapter 4 - Secrets

"What do you think of Potter?"

Draco Malfoy glanced across the field to where the Gryffindors were congregated, their collective attention focused on the useless half-giant of a teacher. Then he turned back to Blaise Zabini. "I try not to," he said mildly.

"I'm serious."

Draco gave Blaise his full attention now. "What do you mean?"

"Well, honestly, I think he's hot."

Draco couldn't help his snort.

Blaise rolled his eyes but his gaze wandered back to the Gryffindors. "Have you _looked_ at him lately?"

Draco humored his best friend by attempting a thoughtful look. True, Potter had striking features but he usually looked tired and stressed. When he wasn't using glamours. Draco knew about them. Draco knew a lot more about Potter than he would ever mention to Blaise. He shrugged. "If you're into that tragic sort of exhausted hero type."

Blaise clucked his tongue. "Beyond the fatigue," he said with a sigh. "Draco, you are the hottest wizard in Hogwarts-"

"Someone has to do it."

"But you _are_ my best friend and I can't hit on you."

Draco dramatically shuddered. "And I appreciate it."

Blaise nodded. "Tell me you wouldn't mind scoring with him."

Draco sent another glance across the lawn then eyed his friend. Zabini was good looking enough, as striking as Potter was with dark hair and light blue eyes, but Blaise's recent Gryffindor spree was starting to worry him.

"Blaise, what _are_ you going on about?" Draco demanded. "Half the school wants to score with Potter. 'Course the _entire_ school would rather score with _me_, but I guess the Boy-Who-Lived wouldn't be a bad consolation." He added a dramatic sigh. "I can't be everywhere at once."

"Not for lack of trying," Blaise quipped

Draco smirked then realization dawned. "Are you asking for my permission or something? If you want him, go get him."

Blaise gave him an appraising look. "So you're not interested?"

"If I had wanted him, wouldn't I have had him already?"

"Well I guess," Blaise said. "It's just that with all your history, I was thinking that you might want to try channeling some of that passionate hatred in a different direction."

Draco's brows shot up. "Interesting thought." He spared another look toward the Gryffindor trio, but shook his head. "Sorry. Don't see it happening."

Blaise returned a big grin.

Draco furrowed his brow. "I thought you were interested in scoring with the Weasel."

"That was an experiment." Blaise shrugged it off. "To see if the Gryffs cared about inter-house sex."

Draco was surprised. "Sex is sex."

"Right," Blaise agreed. "Besides, Weasley can't kiss for shit."

Draco's gaze wandered back to the trio and his brows lifted. "And what makes you think Potter can?"

"It'd be worth finding out," Blaise said confidently. "If he can't, then hell, I can at least say I shagged the Boy-Who-Lived."

Draco blinked at him. "That's pretty lame you know," he said. Blaise had always been a shallow person, especially about sex, but Draco didn't think he was stupid enough to underestimate Potter.

Blaise shrugged and turned a predacious leer back toward Potter. "Ask me if I care."

Draco was about to caution him when he felt hands encircle his arm.

"Are we still on for tonight, Drakie?"

Draco flinched at the name. Merlin, sometimes he hated girls. He turned a brilliant smile to Pansy Parkinson. "Of course, my dear," he answered smoothly. "Same time, same place."

Pansy's face lit up and she beamed at him.

It wasn't easy being a sex-god.

Potter entered Severus' office cautiously the next evening. Severus had only seen Harry at meal times but other than slight tiredness, he looked better. Severus had magically scanned him at lunch and hadn't found any glamours. So despite the brat's lack of cooperation in the 'stay' department, he must have slept.

Severus stood up as Potter moved into the room and the brat immediately pulled his wand.

"Potter," Severus warned.

"Just keep your distance," Potter said. "Or I swear, I'll hex you."

Intrigued, Severus crossed his arms, leaning against his desk. "Problem?"

"Yes," Potter said. "Every time I'm with you now you're either kissing me or dousing me with potions."

_He has a point._

There was the problem again. Severus wanted to take care of the fool boy but ravish him as well.

_And you can't do both, why again?_

Severus frowned. "You need it."

"The kissing is fine," Potter said. "But the potions I don't need all the time. I'm not a baby. I've been taking care of myself since I _was_ as baby and-"

"Potter, I'm trying to help you," Severus pointed out. "You shouldn't have to do _everything_ yourself."

Potter nodded slightly as he put his wand away. "I know, but I don't want to sleep _all _the time."

Severus straightened, glad to have made some headway in that area. Maybe he'd have a semblance of compliance now. "I have been giving you a variety of potions, Potter. How do you feel?"

"I feel fine. Great actually."

Severus smirked. "Exactly."

Potter gave him a sideways glance. "Oh? What did you give me?"

"A simple derivative of the Restorative Draught with two puffapod seeds and a pinch of gillyweed."

Potter studied him a minute. "It can work that way together?

Severus almost replied caustically but then noticed Harry's genuine interest. It reminded him that there was a discussion they needed to have.

"Yes," he replied. "The chlorophyll in the gillyweed-"

"Reacts to the pod flower," said Potter with dawning. "I get it."

"So I see, and now you will tell me about this miraculous knowledge of yours," Severus said.

Potter looked away nervously.

"You do wish to spend – quality – time with me, don't you?"

That got some definite interest as those eyes lit up. "Oh yes. I do."

Severus smirked.

"Don't smirk at me," Potter said miffed. "It's more that just teenaged hormones."

_Perceptive. Another fine attribute to add to the growing list._

"Very well," Severus agreed. "We can see where this little mutual chemistry of ours goes, but I cannot stress enough the importance of secrecy."

"That's not a problem," Potter said, waving it off as he fell into one of the chairs in front of Severus' desk.

Severus had seen Potter fall into that chair dozens of times in the past, usually after tiring training sessions, but he'd never looked so at home, like he belonged there.

_Couple of kisses will do that._

"I've hidden enough secrets," Potter went on. "And with my cloak, once you give it back." He flashed one of those quirky smiles of his. "It should be easy."

"It may mean more remedial potions," Severus pointed out.

"Aren't I already taking those, for the Occlumency?" he countered. "I'm here aren't I? Dumbledore was very emphatic that I continue."

"Indeed." Severus eyed Potter's relaxed posture with relief. Now that Harry knew Severus wasn't going to force feed him potions, his demeanor had opened up. "And can you trust Granger and Weasley?"

"How do you know they even know?"

Severus raised his eyebrows.

Potter looked away. "Oh yeah. The potions lab," he muttered. He looked back, meeting Severus' gaze with confidence. "Yes, I trust them. They have always kept my secrets for me. And I know Ron won't tell this one."

Severus didn't even want to know why. "As for those other secrets, I will have to know them as well?"

"Why?"

Severus sighed. "Potter, I have more or less been your personal instructor for a year and a half. If you have abilities which could further advance your training, I should have been told about them."

Potter grinned almost smugly. "At least you know I can keep a secret."

"Impertinent brat," said Severus, scowling.

Potter frowned at his response and shot back, "How do I know _you_ can?"

Severus blinked. "I beg your pardon," he said indignantly.

"You told Dumbledore about the visions."

"Mr. Potter, did it occur to you that the reason that the headmaster is granting me all these allowances is because I have been the one to come across your problems? Didn't the headmaster know of the visions?"

"To a degree. Yes," Harry admitted.

Severus nodded. "Sometimes you have to sacrifice small amounts of information, to substantiate security for the greater need."

Potter stared at him. "Translation, please?"

"I threw Albus a bone to ensure I could claim your charming company for myself."

Potter blinked, his expression slightly pleased.

Severus smirked. "Now, these talents of yours..."

Potter sat up straighter. "Well the potions skill was out of necessity," he explained. "I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't block out the pain."

Severus had witnessed the transferred pain from the visions. He nodded.

"And despite the fact that I have a high tolerance for it-"

"Oh," Severus interrupted. "How have you come to that conclusion?"

"Well I don't pass out from it and with the extent I've felt-"

"Oh? You think you know about pain first hand?"

Potter met his stare steadily, then lifted his brows. "Voldemort didn't invite me to the graveyard my fourth year for tea, Professor."

Severus' lip curled ever so slightly at the sarcasm.

_Amusing, too._

"From what I heard, it was for your blood."

Harry nodded. "That and to prove to his minions that he was stronger than me. He cast all three Unforgivables at me that day. Only one of them worked."

Severus blinked.

"So he used _that one_ more than once. The first time I was tied up. The second, he was pissed off because Imperius didn't work on me."

"You _do_ have a problem obeying."

Severus was relieved to see the quirky grin again. He wanted the facts but he didn't want to go through some sort of trauma therapy here. Severus had heard the recount of their wands locking, so he didn't need elaboration on that. Harry didn't bother mentioning it.

"Then there's the whole possession thing." Potter waved this off as well, as if he was sure Severus knew.

"Tell me," Severus said.

Harry scowled and Severus wasn't sure if it was because he didn't want to go over it yet again, or because he wasn't sure if he could trust Severus.

"Do you trust me, Potter?" Severus received a hesitant nod. "I can better protect you, even from the Dark Lord, if I know your past experiences with him and how he affects you."

Potter stared at him, as if measuring him. Severus returned to his desk and sat down, resting his arms on the surface.

He met Harry's gaze and held it. "Anytime you're ready."

After a deep sigh, Potter told him. Everything from when the Dark Lord touched his face in the graveyard and he thought his head was going to explode, to seeing things from Nagini's mind. Severus listened in attentive silence, his brows lifting occasionally.

Then Harry reached the point when Voldemort possessed him his 5th year at the ministry.

"I just wanted to die to end the pain. It was worse than Cruciatus. And it felt like death was the only thing that would stop it. Voldemort dared Dumbledore to kill me therefore killing him as well, but Dumbledore couldn't."

Fascinated now, Severus urged him on. "So, what happened?"

"I thought of Sirius."

_Damn dog. Always interfering._

"And everything he's tried to do for me. How he's always come running to help. He almost got killed trying to save me at the Ministry two years ago. Dumbledore said it was love. The love I felt. He said that Voldemort couldn't bear to be within me at that point and that's why he left my body."

_Okay. We can acknowledge that Harry has experience with vast amounts of pain._

"You don't believe the headmaster?"

"I guess I have to." Harry was staring off into nowhere, his expression serious but not anguished. "I don't have much experience with love," he continued. "Aside from my friends, Sirius is the only person I care that deeply about. He's been the closest thing to a father I've ever had."

_Now there's a frightening thought. But at least it wasn't James Potter himself._

Severus had to agree. With everything that had happened to the boy, it was a wonder he wasn't at St. Mungo's.

_Good, strong, solid constitution._

"Very well. These talents of yours aside from potions..."

"We've focused mostly on spells and charms I could use in battle. I can do every spell in Aldnton's book."

"Oh?" A brow arched in surprise. Severus was impressed despite himself.

_Impressive, indeed._

"Yes and I can block anything Hermione throws at me," Harry said grinning.

Severus frown at the display of arrogance. "Proud, are we?"

The smile melted off Potter's face and the mask snapped into place. "Of course. I've grown so accustomed to being patted on the back and praised, that it just comes naturally."

"Potter-"

"That's why I've kept it all to myself for fear of my head getting so swelled that-"

"Potter!"

The brat stopped his rant and stared stonily back.

"You don't have to be so touchy," Severus told him. "If I say something you find objectionable, say something."

_Old habits die hard._

"I thought I just did," Potter replied, his chin inching up, his expression unreadable.

"No, you went into defensive mode."

Harry blinked. "Is that what it was?"

"I'd say so."

"I thought you liked sarcasm," he said suspiciously.

"I can appreciate it, but not when it's masking bitterness and cynicism."

Harry looked away. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Story of my life."

Severus stood over him, and lifted his face with his fingers. "Self-pity doesn't suit you either, Potter."

He shrugged, but there was a crack in the mask.

_Time to redirect the conversation._

For once Severus wanted to argue with his inner voice. He wanted to kiss that bloody mask off again.

The look in that green gaze reflected what Severus was thinking.

Harry's lips curled into a soft smile. "What would you suggest?"

Was he being catty or just plain provocative?

"How about we return to the topic at hand?" Severus suggested. "Will you allow me to test you on these defensive skills?"

The smile faded to a frown and Severus wondered if it was because he had let go of Harry's face or at the suggestion to go back to work.

Harry relented. "Sure. That would be fun."

"I have quite a bit more experience than Miss Granger, Potter. I hope it will prove more a challenge than fun."

Severus had meant it as a taunt but he received that quirky smile from Potter.

"What else?" Severus inquired.

Potter shrugged. "Other than that, I've practiced advanced charms and some transfiguration."

_Very well rounded._

"That covers the important aspects of your education," muttered Severus. After a moment, something else occurred to him. He speared Harry with a suspicious look. "You've master the animagus transformation, haven't you?"

Harry brightened. "Yes. Want to see?"

Severus wasn't surprised. "No, no," he said quickly. "You're still weak from fatigue. I wouldn't want to risk a transformation."

Harry looked disappointed. "I'm not that weak," he said, with what could have been a pout.

_Makes you just want to nibble on that bottom lip._

Severus ignored the voice, wondering if Harry had wanted to show-off but then reconsidered after his earlier rant. He had been keeping all this bottled up and a little praise wouldn't be amiss.

"I'm impressed though," said Severus, and Harry's expression lit up again. "Tell me," he bade.

"Hermione looked most of it up and helped with the correct initiation charms."

Severus nodded. "And," he prompted.

"Well at first I was afraid I'd end up a snake, what with Voldemort and Nagini and all. Then I was sure it was a stag like my-"

"An animagus form doesn't always assume the same shape of a patronus."

"So I found out."

"Out with it, Potter."

Harry smiled. "Black panther."

Severus smirked. "Don't be absurd, Potter, there's no such thing."

Potter's quirky smile blossomed fully then. "That's what Hermione said when Ron called it that."

"I'm sure the Gryffindor walking encyclopedia disabused you of that fact."

"Right, well it took a couple of hours, but we decided I was a jaguar."

"Of the melanistic variety, I imagine," Severus said considering the information.

"Huh?"

Severus looked up and smirked. "Black, Potter, didn't Granger explain that."

"Oh yeah." He turned his face away self-consciously.

"It is very intriguing though."

"Yeah, according to what we found out, I could actually crush Voldemort's skull with my jaws if I got close enough."

_Wouldn't that be a hoot?_

"Well there's the challenge, isn't it?" Severus replied instead. "He wouldn't let you get within 10 yards before transfiguring your big cat into a kitten. Then, being the nasty Dark Lord he is, he would promptly crush you under his heel."

Harry winced at the vivid imagery. "Yeah, I know that. It's a nice fantasy though."

"I think a 17 year old boy would have more interesting fantasies," Severus murmured and had to admire the color that suffused Harry's face.

_He blushes so nicely._

"Well when Vold-I mean the Dark Lord is in my head half the time, it's difficult. But I've had some better ones recently." The smile was back.

_Bloody hell._

How could Severus have forgotten about that? If anything, _that_ could be the one thing that could keep him away from his Harry.

_My, my, possessive already. And just when did it become Harry?_

"What?" Potter asked curiously.

Apparently his expression had betrayed his concerns. "Potter, the Dark Lord can not find out about anything we've done."

"He won't."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because when I'm awake, I can feel him if tries to get in," Harry told him. "It's only when I'm asleep or especially weak that-"

Severus shook his head sadly. "I won't endanger you."

_Yes, and you'd become Harry-bait faster than you can say 'Lunch for Nagini.'_

"What?" Harry looked puzzled.

"Maybe this was a bad idea-"

Potter leapt to his feet, surprising Severus.

"Hold on a minute. You're ready to risk your job and damn everything else to be with me, but mention the Dark Lord and suddenly you're squeamish?"

"Potter," Severus warned.

"No," Harry insisted. "I'm sorry, but Voldemort's ruined everything else about my life, I'm not going to let him ruin this."

"Potter-"

"I'll be lucky if I live to graduation so I'm not going to miss one bit of life that comes my way." He paused for a breath and Severus could help but notice his heaving chest. "And-and, if you're not interested anymore, well, then-then, well I'll find myself another Death Eater to have sex with."

_Well that won't do at all. _

Harry crossed his arms, glaring over the desk at him and Severus couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing. Despite that particular theory being one of his greatest fears, Harry's impassioned tirade was just too adorable.

"Come here," Severus instructed and Potter did without hesitation or fear. In fact, his chin inched up defiantly.

Severus stood up and took a hold of Potter's expressive face. The he kissed away all thoughts of anyone else but him. By the time Severus lifted his head, Harry was clinging to him and breathing heavily. He eyed the bruises he had left again on Harry's throat. The brat _would_ have to bruise easily.

_Admit it. You like having your mark on him._

Severus ignored it and held Potter away from him by the shoulders. They really needed to get some work done. Severus _needed _to know how far Harry could protect himself.

"OK let's test your Occlumency"

Potter steadied himself, a little disoriented by the sudden change of atmosphere. Severus let go of him and put some distance between them.

"I told you," Harry said, staring at him oddly. "I don't-"

Severus didn't give him a chance to finish. He pulled his wand. "_Legilimens_."

For a moment there was a flash of something, might have been a memory, might have been an emotion. Severus couldn't tell, by then it was gone. All that was left was nothing.

"Very good, Potter."

"Like I tried to tell you, it's only when I'm tired or sleeping that he can get in."

Severus nodded. "Perhaps we can come up with a potion," said Severus, pacing several steps. "Something less addictive than the one you make. More tolerable for frequent usage."

Potter perked up. "I started something, but I can never get passed a certain stage."

Severus turned to him again. "Really?"

"Yes. I started with a flobberworm base and I've been working from there but I can't seem to keep it stable without making it addictive."

Severus agreed. "It's very difficult to avoid using flobberworms in a sleep draught."

Potter nodded. "So you'll help me?"

There was so much hope in that one request that Severus wanted to curse anyone who had ever disregarded the boys needs.

_Look in a mirror._

Severus ignored the voice, having every intention of making restitution. He moved to stand in front of the boy again and lifted his face with a gentle touch.

"Potter, have you not been paying attention to anything I've been saying?" Severus said mildly. With more conviction, he added, "I want to help you. I _will _help you."

Harry nodded, looking up with un-masked green eyes. "And will you kiss me again?" he whispered. Potter took a hold of the front of Severus' robe, his head tilted, offering his sweet mouth.

"We're supposed to be working, Potter," Severus said roughly. Remembering the taste of those lips didn't help. It seemed his mind wasn't his own when Harry was in the room. He was continually drawn to the brat.

"Incentive?" Potter said, his breath against Severus' mouth.

_I've heard very good things about incentive programs._

As Severus crushed his mouth over Potter's, he tried to remember why he had thought this could be even remotely wrong. Such perfection could only be a gift from the gods. He felt hands on his skin and pulled back. Potter had opened his robe and half the buttons on his shirt. Curious fingers played over his chest, over his nipples which pebbled under his touch.

Groaning, he turned Harry against the desk and all but ripped the t-shirt off his smooth body. Satin covered muscles rippled under his fingertips as he explored Harry's chest with his hand. He arched and groaned, and Severus moved his mouth down to his favorite spot on Harry's throat.

Lifting his head, he pulled Harry against him, their naked chests rubbing together. Potter moaned and attacked with his mouth again, kissing Severus fervently as he pulled awkwardly at Severus' robe.

"Whoa," Severus breathed, pulling back. "Slow down."

Potter looked confused for a moment, then reached out for Severus face again.

"In case it escaped your notice, Potter, we are in my office."

"What no wicked fantasies of taking me on your desk?"

Severus blinked in surprise.

"No? Oh, maybe you're a bottom."

Severus blinked again then smirked. He promptly kissed the smug look off Potter's swollen lips.

"Okay. Not a bottom," Harry said, voice hoarse with passion. "So, what's the problem? It's not like I'm a virgin."

Severus' eyes moved over Harry's face, his fingers tracing the delicate angles of his jaw and cheek. Then he met the green gaze. "Oh?"

Potter looked away. "Well not exactly."

Severus turned his face back. "What do you mean 'not exactly'?"

"Well I've been with a girl – well woman."

Snape's brow shot up. "One of your many conquests?" He couldn't help the smirk.

Potter frowned. "Oh yeah. That's it. They line up for me, don't you know."

_There's that defensive sarcasm again._

"Potter, do you think I believe everything I read?"

Severus retained the grip on Harry's face so he averted his eyes. "Can't keep up with my sordid reputation."

"Yes, I remember. So what's the truth?" Severus pried. He continued the slow caress on Harry's face and he leaned into the touch. "What was her name?"

Potter sighed. "Helen or Helene or-"

"Don't you recall?" Severus said with amusement.

Potter's eyes opened and his chin edged up then he sighed resignedly. "Actually I don't," he admitted. "Sirius didn't want me to die a virgin so he took me to a – a-"

Severus blinked. "Are you telling me he bought you a woman?"

"Only for a couple of hours," he paused. "Well an hour."

Severus snorted.

"I don't think she was very good," Harry grumbled. "But maybe it was me."

Severus considered him. He recalled what it was like when his own preferences were unsure. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe female wasn't your preference?"

"Well yeah, but not until after you-" Harry cut himself off and looked away, obviously not wanting to have revealed so much.

"Are you implying that I am the first male to-"

Potter glared now. "I would've gotten around to-"

"When?" Severus challenged. "When that godmutt of yours took you to a gigolo? That probably would've turned you completely off sex."

"Could we not mention sex and Sirius at the same time, please."

_Couldn't agree more._

Severus smirked. "I think I can manage that."

Harry grinned again, looking positively debauched, with his kiss-reddened lips and mussed up hair. Half-naked in Severus' arms, it would be very easy for Harry to coerce Severus to agree to anything.

"As long as you're in such an agreeable mood..."

Severus frowned, wondering if Potter had learned Legilimancy while he wasn't looking. "What?"

"Maybe you could manage to kiss me some more," he suggested.

_You're the first man to touch him. No one else has felt those responses, heard those exquisite sounds of desire._

Severus' thoughts were getting the most of him and his body was responding enthusiastically. He gave little resistance as Harry finally managed to push his robe off his shoulders. His shirt was disposed of quickly after that and then just the feel of Harry's hands over his back and sides took over his senses.

As Severus started exploring Harry's chest with his mouth, he felt fingers at the bindings of his trousers. Potter groaned, but Severus didn't know if it was from Severus' sucking his nipple or frustration.

"I want to touch you," Harry murmured into Severus' hair.

"Not here," Severus said, moving his mouth around Harry's shoulder.

Potter's head fell back again as Severus moved his tongue up his throat again. "Floor? Couch? Bed? Where?"

Severus lifted his head again, his hand lifting again to Potter's face. He trailed it over his forehead, brushing the fringe away from the scar. "Eager are we?"

The green gaze met his and Severus was startled by the trust in them. He nodded. "Yes. Don't you want to?"

"You have no idea," Severus said unwittingly but he was rewarded by a smile. "But-"

Severus' arm scorched and he growled, pulling away from Potter and clutching his left arm to his chest. Surprised to see Potter on the floor, he kneeled down beside him.

"What is it?"

Then he noticed Harry's hand pressed to his forehead.

"It hurts when he calls his Death Eaters?" Severus asked with concern.

"I was never sure," said Harry. "But sometimes, it seemed to hurt for no reason."

Severus nodded. This was the first time he had been in Potter's presence when the Dark Lord called so it was reasonable to assume that when the Dark Lord called his followers, Potter's scar would hurt.

He helped Potter to his feet then collected his discarded shirt and robe.

"Get dressed, Potter," Severus told him. "I've got to go."

Potter magically repaired his damaged t-shirt and pulled it over his head. "Are you sure you should go?"

"I _have_ to go, Potter," snapped Severus. "He's called us." Severus straightened his robe and looked to Potter who stood silently watching. "What are you waiting for?"

"I, I, um-"

"Spit it out, Potter."

"Right." Harry turned, moved to the door and waited until Severus' un-warded the room. He turned back, the face of stranger looked at Severus. "Be careful, Professor."

Severus watched Potter leave.

_He was worried about you._

Severus warmed at the thought as he grabbed a handful of floo power and tossed it into the fire.

It didn't take long for the Headmaster to answer.

"Ah Severus," Albus said pleasantly. "How was your session with Harry?"

"I'll have to tell you later, headmaster. I've been summoned."

Albus' face twisted into concerned regret. "Oh my. You will be careful, won't you?"

_Same thing every time._

Severus nodded. "I must go."

"I will see you later."

Severus pulled out of the fire, collected his things and left the dungeons.

Harry convinced himself that Snape was just in a snit because Voldemort called him. They had covered so much ground that it would be inconceivable that he would turn so cold so suddenly.

Yeah, that had to be it.

He thought about the evening. It had been wonderful. And he could trust Snape. He knew it now. Snape would protect his secrets, and be there for him. Snape would help him with the potions and his defenses, and he could have all the kisses he wanted.

And more than kisses. Harry couldn't wait for that. Snape didn't even seem disappointed that Harry didn't have much experience. In fact, he looked pleased.

And he had made Snape laugh. Harry knew Snape had a bizarre sense of humor, dark and sarcastic. Who knew he had an off-color one too?

And there was more too. Harry was sure of it. He wanted to know it all. He wanted to know everything there was to know about Severus Snape.


End file.
